


I'm Always Okay

by I_got_you_for_that



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, F/M, I'll continue and I promise it will get happier, So much angst, but if anybody ends up liking this for some reason, but what else is new with lucaya?, eventual riarkle and zayadora, lucaya - Freeform, unnecessary levels of sexual tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9395537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_got_you_for_that/pseuds/I_got_you_for_that
Summary: Maya steps back again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Huckleberry, if you care about me... here's what you do. Go find Riley... tell her you love her."
> 
> She stepped back... again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I edited a few things in each chapter, just small things for the most part. Hopefully it's slightly less awful now ;)

"Huckleberry, if you care about me, here's what you do- go find Riley, tell her you love her."

She's decided to step back again. This triangle mess wouldn't have ended without either Riley or Maya getting hurt, and Maya refused to let it be Riley. Plus, the triangle was wrecking everyone's friendships. Maya knew that she could never compete with Riley when it came to Lucas. They were meant to be together. She's a princess and Lucas is her prince; so she told Lucas that he chose Riley and accepted this decision because Riley's happiness is most important. 

But still, there were a few things that she couldn't quite figure out, like: 

 _Why_ did Lucas push so hard for Maya to admit her feelings for him in front of that stupid campfire??  _Why_ did he grab her face and lean in as though he was going to kiss her?  _Why_ did he string her along this whole time with the triangle mess if it was always Riley? _Why?_

But she pushes all these questions aside because, no matter what his reasons are, Lucas made his choice. He chose Riley. Period.

Maya couldn't risk having her feelings out there on display and being pitied by everyone around her, so she decided to play along. She let them believe that her maturing and trying harder in school was just her "turning into Riley". Because why would Maya Hart ever want to grow up? Apparently "people change people" only applies to everyone who's not Maya. 

On the bright side, it turns out Josh actually likes Maya back; that should make moving past all the Lucas and Riley stuff more bearable. Except for Josh is never around, and they can't even date until she's out of high school; what if she waits all that time for him, but he ends up with somebody else? She can't expect Josh to wait all that time for her. A lot can change over the course of four years; feelings change, circumstances change, people change; well that is, of course, with the exception of Maya, she can only ever "become Riley". What if the long game only results in more disappointment? She doesn't know if "maybe someday" is worth it. After all, hope is for suckers; you hope for things, you get disappointed.

But she has to cling to something in order to get through this. Burying her feelings for Lucas this time is going to be immensely more difficult than the first, because they've only grown since then; but she can do it. It will be easier to hide her feelings for Lucas behind her apparent feelings for her best friend's uncle. Nobody can find out about her feelings this time; partly because she doesn't want to see Riley get hurt, but also because she can't handle the rejection again.

In the moment Lucas hugged her just before he went to tell Riley his choice, Maya had made the conscious decision to avoid Lucas from here on out to the best of her ability; at least until being around him became more bearable.

* * *

 

About a month later, Maya is sitting in the art room painting after school when she hears someone walk in.

"Maya?"

She looks up to see Farkle standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Farkle, hi! What are you doing in here?", she asks, darting her eyes around the room a moment to sure he's alone. "Did you need something?"

He walks over to her. "No, not really. We're all going to hang out at Topanga's and I stopped by to see if you were planning on coming with?"

She thinks about it for a moment, but the image of Lucas and Riley being all over each other invades her mind and her stomach drops.  "No", Maya replies, a little too sharply, she notes, as Farkle flinches at her tone. Realizing her mistake, she adds, "I mean... I really need to finish this painting tonight. And then I have to head home to do schoolwork."

"Oh...", Farkle says, looking down at the floor a moment.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, no... It's just-", he hesitates, "-you've been acting sort of... distant lately. You haven't been hanging out with us much at all since-"

"Since?", she prods, silently praying that he won't say what she's thinking.

"Since we were at the ski-lodge...", Maya's stomach drops. Farkle continues, "Are you okay? Did Josh say or do something to upset you?? Or is it-", he hesitates, looking down and mumbles, "-Riley and Lucas?"

Maya's eyes widen momentarily. "No! Farkle I'm- I'm fine! I'm just- focusing on my art and schoolwork lately, which keeps me pretty busy." It isn't a lie, well aside from the being totally "fine" part, but Farkle didn't need to know that for obvious reasons.

He doesn't look like he's buying it. "Maya, you can talk to me. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do Farkle, thank you for that. But I told you, I'm perfectly fine."

He looks her up and down. "Are you sure you're okay Maya?"

Eyes starting to burn with tears, she nods her head vigorously with her best attempt at a smile, "I'm always okay Farkle. Promise."

He leans over and pulls her into a hug, her head lying on his chest as she's sitting on her stool. "Okay Maya, just know that you can always talk to me." Backing away to look her in the eyes, he adds, "I'm here if you need it. Text me when you make it home safely so I know you're alright." 

And with that, he leaves. It's a good thing too, because Maya can't hold it in any longer; it's like a dam breaks and the tears just start pouring out uncontrollably. She climbs off the stool and shoves it away with her foot, crying out in frustration. She drops to her knees, her throat closing up as sobs wrack her body and she holds her face in her hands. For the first time since Lucas chose Riley, Maya lets herself feel it. Feel everything; her dad leaving, her mom not being around, her friends not believing in her capacity to grow, Lucas rejecting her. She allows herself to feel it all this one time.

After a while, she pulls herself together and stands up, wiping tear-stained cheeks with the sleeve of her sweater. She glances at the time on her phone-8:17 p.m- time to head home.

Later when she's climbing into bed, she remembers to text Farkle.

_I'm home_

Only a moment passed before he replied.

_Good!! I was starting to worry. Thanks for letting me know Maya._

Maya couldn't help but smile a bit at this. 

_Thanks for caring Farkle. Goodnight <3_

_Of course Maya. You're one of my best friends, don't forget that. I'm always here for you. Night_

She smiles to herself and closes her eyes, falling asleep rather quickly.

 

****


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Riley] still facing Maya, smiling expectantly, "You are coming tonight though, right?"

Maya walks into Matthews' class a few minutes early. Nobody else is there yet, so she sits in her desk and pulls out her sketchbook. Less than a minute passes before Riley comes skipping through the door with her usual grin.

"Peaches!", she holds her arms out and pulls Maya into an awkward hug, pulling back slightly so she can mush her cheek against Maya's, "We missed you last night!"

Maya leans back and lightly pushes Riley away enough so she can look at her face. 

"Sorry Riles, I was just busy with homework and stuff."

"Don't worry about it Maya." Riley responds with a dismissive wave as she sits down in her desk, still facing Maya, smiling expectantly, "You are coming tonight though, right?"

"Tonight?", Maya questions. "What's tonight?"

"Family game night silly!" Riley answers.

"Yeah, you are coming right?" Farkle asks as he walks in. Zay, Lucas, and Smackle are behind him.

Zay walks over and pats Maya on the back as he reaches his desk behind her, "You have to come. I need somebody to be on my team, partner."

Maya looks around at her friends, avoiding eye contact with Lucas, who was sitting in his desk staring at her expectantly along with everyone else. She caves under their scrutiny and sighs, "Okay fine. I'll go."

"Yay!" Riley exclaims, grinning widely. Maya gives her a half-hearted smile as she returns to her drawing and Riley turns to chat with Farkle.

A moment later, Matthews walks in the class and everyone quiets down, "Okay class, for today's lesson...". Maya blocked out the rest of the class, too focused on the family game night she was practically being forced to attend.

* * *

 

Later that evening, Maya buzzes her way up to the Matthews' apartment. When she walks through the front door, everyone is already there, staring at her.

"What's everyone looking at?", she asks.

"Maya. Since when do you use the front door?" Riley questions, confused, "I was waiting in my room by the bay window when my dad came to tell me you buzzed in."

"Oh uh-", she pauses to think for an instant, "I didn't think you'd be waiting in there. Figured everyone would already be in here." Maya gestures to everyone in the room; that's when she notices Josh sitting on the couch with Auggie in his lap.

"Oh! That makes sense!", Riley says with a shrug.

Maya goes to sit next to Josh, "Hey Boing", she smiles.

He turns and smiles at her, "Hi Maya. Sorry, I already agreed to be on Auggie's team since Ava couldn't make it."

"No worries! I already agreed to be on Zay here's team", Maya points to Zay, who looks at her and smirks as he sits beside her.

"Yup! Team Zaya for the win", he says cheekily, placing his arm around her shoulders. Josh gives him a bit of a side-eye. 

Nobody seems to notice Lucas glaring at the both of them momentarily.

"Alrighty then! Topanga?", Cory exclaims, "Ya ready to go?"

"Yup! Bye kids, have fun!", she says as they hurry to get out the door.

"Wait!", Riley yells with her hand out. The pair stop abruptly and turn to face their daughter, looking like they were just busted. "Where do you two think you're going?"

"Oh", Cory laughs, "you didn't think we'd actually be sticking around to watch this-", indicating everyone in the room with a nod of his head and a wave of his hand. "-mess go down tonight, did ya?". Topanga is just standing there with a wide-eyed, mock-fearful look on her face shaking her head slowly. Riley looks to her friends then back to her dad, but before she can say anything else Cory half-shouts, "Welp, bye now!", and he and Topanga rush out the door as fast as they can.

"What was that all about?", Auggie asks.

"Who knows", Riley shrugs.

"So! What are we playing?", Farkle asks, rubbing his hands together.

"I was thinking we could play Twister!", Riley exclaims excitedly.

 _"This should be an interesting night",_ Maya thinks to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably worse than the first chapter, but I decided to just go for it. Let me know your thoughts! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to play some Twister, this should go well, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anybody doesn't know what a Twister mat looks like:  
> https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/81KrQoOtc6L._SX522_.jpg

Before Maya can stop him, Zay jumps up and yells, "I'm spinning first!".

"Dammit Zay", Maya groans in protest.

Riley gasps, "Peaches! Language!"

"Oops. Sorry Riles." Maya usually tries to watch her language around Riley, but it's becoming increasingly difficult.

Everyone has their roles appointed; Maya, Josh, Lucas, and Smackle are all playing; Zay, Auggie, Riley, and Farkle are spinning.

Zay flicks the plastic black arrow to spin. "Alright Maya, right hand on blue". ' _Great'_ , Maya rolls her eyes; she's already bending over. This shouldn't be awkward at all.

"Me next!" Auggie shouts. Not waiting for confirmation, he grabs the board from Zay and spins, "Left foot on blue!". Even though there are four other blue circles on the left side of Maya, Josh chooses the one on the right. Maya looks up at him and sees he's giving her a suggestive smile; she can't say it doesn't make her feel good.

"My turn!", Smackle exclaims, looking at Farkle expectantly, but he's distracted talking to Riley. "Farkle!". He startles, looking over at his girlfriend, "Oh, right. Sorry Smackle-", he spins, "left foot on green". Of course she'd choose the circle farthest from Maya and Josh.

Riley spins last.  _'Oh great, here we go',_ Maya thinks to herself. "Okay Lucas", Riley says cheerily when the arrow stops, "right foot on blue". 

"Wow there sure have been a lot of spins landing on blue", Zay jokes.

 _'Please pick the furthest one. Please pick the furthest one.'_ Maya thinks to herself. Of course he doesn't. For some reason, he chooses the one _directly_ to the left of Maya. 

"It's a Maya sandwich!" Lucas jokes. He and Josh high-five one another and Lucas looks Maya in the eyes, grinning widely; it's taking everything in her to fight the blush creeping up her neck. 

Before Maya knows it, Josh is bent over behind her ankles, practically wrapped around her legs, and Lucas is hunched over the top half of her body. This is absolutely ridiculous; they're definitely doing this on purpose. She feels Lucas' warm breath fan across her cheek, and makes the mistake of looking up. Their lips are mere centimeters apart, her body betrays her as she feels butterflies in her stomach and heat creeping up her neck. She looks up from Lucas' lips to his eyes, only to see him staring at her mouth. After a beat he makes eye contact; his face flushes as he realizes what he'd been staring at and his eyes dart down to the floor. 

It's Smackle's turn, she decides to be daring by stretching to reach over Lucas' arm, but it doesn't work out and she loses her balance, taking Lucas, Maya, and Josh down with her. Lucas ends up laying on top of Maya, their faces centimeters apart. Before she can process their proximity, Josh chuckles and his warm breath fans over her upper thigh, sending tingles down her spine. Then everyone in the room is busting up laughing. The four teens in a heap on the mat start getting up and Lucas looks at Maya to help her up, but sees Josh has beaten him to it, so he turns to offer Smackle a hand.  

Once they're all on their feet, Maya glances over at Lucas, who's already looking her way; their eyes lock momentarily, until Lucas breaks their gaze and looks down at the ground. 

The rest of the night is significantly less awkward; turns out Josh serves as a good distraction from Lucas. He flirts a lot, which makes Maya feel pretty good; it's nice to feel desired, and Josh is hot. 

* * *

 

_ **Lucas' POV** _

He made his choice; he chose Riley. Riley is the one Lucas wants, not Maya. He has to keep reminding himself of this, as watching Josh and Maya flirt unashamedly is really making his blood boil. He tries to chalk it up to simply being protective over Maya, but in his heart he knows that's not entirely true. Josh is a Matthews, he'd never do anything to hurt Maya if he could avoid it. Thinking about the fact that he's a Matthews, and is therefore practically perfect for Maya, only serves to make Lucas feel worse.

His thoughts are interrupted by Riley asking, "Lucas are you okay?". He turns to see her looking at him. 

"Yeah Riley, I'm fine. You know how I feel about these game nights", he chuckles.

She laughs at the memory of his and Farkle's first family game night with the Matthews. He remembers that night pretty clearly; part of why he wanted to go home so badly was because Riley and Cory were arguing and it made him uncomfortable. But if he were being honest with himself, there was something else that bothered him that night: Josh. Maya was insistent on flirting with him the whole time, and Lucas didn't want to admit that it was bothersome at the time. Now, watching the flirting go both ways, he can't lie to himself and say it doesn't piss him off. 

He turns to his girlfriend. "Hey, Riley?"

She turns her attention back to him. "Yes Lucas?"

"I think I'm going to head home. It's getting pretty late and my Mama's gonna start worrying about me."

"You're leaving?" Farkle questions from the other side of Riley, leaning forward on his elbows to look over at Lucas.

"Oh good!" Zay pipes up, overhearing. "Perfect timing actually. Maya was just saying how she's ready to head home, you guys can take the subway together. Josh and I were trying to insist she stay until Mr. and Mrs. Matthews get back so Josh could walk her."

"Yeah, but Howdy here can take you." Josh says from behind Lucas, playfully smacking both hands on his shoulders. 

Lucas shrugs, "Yeah sure. You about ready to go Maya?" 

"Uh.. Yeah", Maya says in a small voice.

"Great!", Zay exclaims. "That means Riley and I get to team up for the next game." They high-five on it.

* * *

 

_** Maya's POV ** _

_'Great. This is just great.'_

Lucas holds the door for her as they walk out and closes it behind them.

The ride down the elevator is quiet and awkward. When they get to the Subway station, Lucas steps closer to Maya. It really is getting late. Some guy with a scruffy beard stands beside Maya and eyes her up and down. Lucas doesn't seem to like that, seeing as how he's staring daggers at the guy and places his arm around Maya's lower back, pulling her into his side. Once again, her body betrays her as she feels the familiar fluttering in her stomach at his touch. The train arrives and Lucas guides her with a hand on her lower back as they step on, making sure to get on a separate subway car from the creepy guy. 

Neither of them say a word the whole ride.

Maya's stop comes first. She gets off, expecting to be parting ways with Lucas, but he follows.

"What are you doing Huckleberry?", she questions. "This isn't your stop."

"No, but I said I would make sure you got home safely. I can't do that if I don't walk you to your door", he points out.

Maya huffs and rolls her eyes, "I can take care of myself you know", she grumbles, turning to walk away from him.

Lucas jogs to catch up to her. "Maya!", he grabs her arm lightly and turns her around to face him. "I know that, but there are some sketchy people out at this time of night and I just want to know that you're safe. Please let me walk you to your door."

She relents with a sigh, "Fine." 

He smiles and nods his head once. "Good. Thank you."

They walk for about 10 minutes to her apartment. When they reach her door Maya turns to Lucas. "Thanks for walking me home." 

"Thank you for letting me." 

Just as she turns to go inside, Lucas reaches his hand out and his fingertips graze her wrist. "Maya wait." She turns to him reluctantly, then he goes on, "Are you okay? Did I do something to upset you? You've hardly said a word to me this past month."

She stands there, not knowing what to say besides, "I'm fine Lucas."

He looks a bit taken aback. "Since when do you use my name? Maya what did I do?"

She opens her mouth to speak, but in that moment her door opens and her mom is standing there.  _'Thank goodness'_. Maya had no idea what she was going to say.

"Hey baby girl." She turns and notices Lucas standing there. "Lucas, hi. What are you doing here?"

"Just walking Maya home from game night at the Matthews' ma'am."

"Oh, well that was very sweet of you. Would you like to come in for a few?", she gestures inside, opening the door wider. 

Maya's about to protest when Lucas speaks up, "That'd be great Mrs. Hunter." He smiles politely.

Katy smiles and lets them both in. "Well I was actually leaving to go meet Shawn for a movie. If you guys get hungry, there's money on the counter for takeout."

_'Thanks a lot mom.'_

After the door shuts behind Katy, Lucas turns to Maya and nods his head toward the couch. Obviously he isn't planning to let this go, so she toes off her shoes and follows him to the couch, sitting cross-legged; Lucas angles himself so they're facing one another.

"Okay now talk", he demands.

"About what Lucas?" 

"Maya, you know what. Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I haven't", she tries, but it comes off weak and insincere.

"Maya, I'm not fucking stupid, I know you've been avoiding me. You'll talk to everyone else in the room but me, and I want to know why and I want to know  _now_."

"Wow you sound a lot like Riley, minus the language. Shame on you by the way Ranger Rick", Maya teases halfheartedly, her mouth locked in a grimace.

"Stop dodging the question Maya. What's going on?"

She looks down at her feet and doesn't say anything. 

"Maya!", he growls.

She flinches at his tone and feels her eyes welling up with tears.

Lucas notices the look on her face and scoots closer. "Hey", he says softly. "Maya, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. Please look at me." He's talking to her like she's this small, fragile girl; she usually hates when people do that, but for some reason she appreciates it right now. Maybe it's because, right now, she actually feels like she might really break.

"I-I can't", she sniffs, still staring at the floor. She hates this; Lucas doesn't need to see her cry, but the lump in her throat is making it nearly impossible not to.

He places his fingertips under her chin and tilts her head so he can look into her eyes. "Maya. Why are you crying? Please talk to me. I want to make this better", he pleads.

She closes her eyes, feeling the tears roll down her cheeks. Then she looks him in the eyes and says in a shaky voice, "You can't Lucas. Just leave it."

He looks at her with a dejected expression and reaches out to pull her into him, hugging her tightly while rubbing her back. "Maya I'm here. You can tell me anything."

"No I can't. Not this", she murmured into his shirt. The lump in her throat becomes unbearable, so she slides her hands up his chest and clutches his shirt like a lifeline; no longer able to hold back her sobs. He just holds her there and rubs comforting circles on her back. 

After a few minutes her breathing evens out, but she doesn't pull away. She's not ready to face him; there's no way he's going to let this go now. He runs his fingers through her hair a moment, then slides his hands up so that he's cupping her face and leans back to look at her. She looks at him and uses her sleeve to wipe at her cheeks. 

"I'm sorry", she mumbles, shaking her head at herself.

"For what? Maya, you have nothing to be sorry for", he gently reassures her. "I just wish you'd tell me what's bothering you so much." Still holding her face in his hands, he strokes her cheeks with his thumbs and looks directly into her eyes; a position which feels all too familiar to Maya. She can't help but reach her hand up and lay it over his as she leans into his touch, closing her eyes a moment.

"I just- I can't Lucas. I can't tell you. Trust me, you'd rather not know."

"Maya, you can trust me." 

She opens her eyes to look into his and with all sincerity says, "I do trust you, more than you know. But you need to trust me when I say you're better off not knowing." 

"And I trust _you_ Maya. But I know you have a tendency to bottle up your thoughts and feelings. It hurts me to see you cry Maya, I-". He stops at that and looks at her, his eyes pleading. "Talk to me."

"I'm tired Lucas", she mutters.

"I know, but I'm afraid if I leave now, you'll go back to not speaking to me and I don't think I can take that again", he admits. Still cupping her face, he begins trailing his fingertips down her neck and arms, until they reach Maya's. He intertwines his fingers with hers and moves closer; folding one leg up onto the couch; their knees are touching now. Maya's stomach flutters, the feeling accompanied by a warm sensation in every spot that their bodies are touching. Her hormones are betraying her once again, but she thinks he feels it too based on the way he's looking at her.

Trying to avoid eye contact, she moves to scoot away from him, but his hand shoots out and wraps around her waist, pulling her to him so that she's practically sitting on his lap. He moves his other hand up to cup her face and turns it toward him, their noses only centimeters apart now. She looks up into his eyes before she can stop herself and the green is barely visible, his pupils blown wide. They're both breathing heavy, neither wanting to move away, his warm breath mixing with her own. She can feel her heart pounding out of her chest as he leans in, but she doesn't pull away. He captures her mouth with his and she immediately starts kissing him back. Her lips part as he deepens the kiss and slides his hands up her shirt, his fingertips grazing her ribs and sending a thrill up her spine. She bunches his shirt in her fists and pulls him on top of her; then Lucas starts trailing kisses down her throat and back up to her mouth. Her hands find their way up his shirt and she grazes his back with her fingertips, but when her left hand brushes against the ring on her right she instantly snaps back to reality. _'Riley',_ she thinks and immediately shoves Lucas off. He looks offended at first, but she sees realization wash over his face.

"Oh fuck", he gasps. "Shit, shit, shit. Riley." He starts rubbing his hands down his face. "Maya I'm so sorry. I-", he stammers, clearly at a loss for words.

"Lucas no, _I'm_ sorry. I can't believe I did that. I'm the worst person." She scoffs at herself, "God I hate myself."

Lucas looks at her wide-eyed and shakes his head, "No no, Maya. This is on me." He insists, "You were clearly upset. I didn't mean to take advantage of you. I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry to me for. You didn't take advantage of me Lucas. It takes two, so this is really on both of us." She looks up at him and asks, "What do we do? How do we tell Riley?"

"I hate to say this, but maybe we shouldn't tell her. You know how Riley is; sometimes she's best off not knowing", he offers. "We just have to agree to never let it happen again." He looks at her like he doesn't like the sound of it anymore than she does, but they both know this is how it has to be. 

"You're right", she agrees. "Knowing would only hurt her and make her question your feelings for her. I mean, we both know you never have, and never will have actual feelings for _me_." The words come out harsher than she intends them to, but it really hurt to say that.

Lucas looks like someone just kicked his dog for a moment, then closes his eyes and shakes his head before he looks back up at Maya and stoically asks, "So we're in agreement?" Maya nods. "Okay, good. I don't suppose there's any way to continue the conversation we were having, is there?". 

She shakes her head. "No. I think it's best that you leave and we forget this mistake ever happened."

Lucas flinches at her words. "Maya I- I don't want you to go back to not speaking to me again."

"I'm sorry Lucas, but it has to be this way. I'll try to talk more when we're around the group, but I can't make any promises", she offers.

He nods his head, clearly understanding that's the best he's going to get from her. "Okay, if that's what you want". 

She feels a pang in her chest at him giving in so easily, but also knows it's how things have to be to protect Riley. "Thank you Huckleberry". He smiles slightly when she uses her nickname for him. Maya stands to walk him to the door then opens it and ushers him out. "I'll see you later. Thanks for getting me home safe."

He steps out into the hall and turns to face her. "See ya Maya. Be sure to lock the door behind me." She huffs out a laugh, he's such a mom. 

"I will. Text me when you get home so I know you got there alright?"

He tips his imaginary cowboy hat at her and says in a thick Texan accent, "Will do ma'am."

She laughs and rolls her eyes at him, then waves goodbye. After closing the door, she leans back against it and slides down to the floor, curling her knees up to her chest. "I'm such a fucking idiot", she scoffs to herself. She knocks her head against the door a few times, then rests her forehead on her knees and starts crying to herself. A little less than an hour later, she's lying in bed when a text arrives from Lucas.

_Got home safe and sound Shortstack, now get some sleep._

She smiles at his dumb nickname as she types her reply.

_K thanks, night Ranger Rick._

_Goodnight Maya :)_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maya woke up at 10:30 the next morning to several texts from her friends.

Maya wakes up at 10:30 the next morning to several texts from her friends. 

9:00- Riley:  _Peaches! We miss you!! Come hang out at Topanga's!_

_Wow_

_It's weird typing my mom's name out_

_Come hang out at my mommy's cafe!!_

_That's better :)_

She huffs out a laugh at her best friend's silliness.

9:18- Farkle:  _Maya you told me things were okay, but you won't even reply to Riley. What's going on?_

He's really getting suspicious, Maya should probably start trying harder to be convincingly happy.

9:31- Zay:  _Riley made me text you. Come hang out with us! It's not as much fun without someone busting Lucas' balls._

She snorted at that.

9:37- Lucas:  _Everyone really wants to hang with you Maya, you should come to Topanga's._

_We're waiting for you._

_I really hope you're not mad at me for last night. I'm so sorry._

She blushes at the memory, but that's quickly diminished by an overwhelming feeling of guilt.

"Shit. We're not supposed to speak of that. Dammit Lucas", she thinks out loud.

She decides to respond to Riley.

_Hey Riles, sorry. Just woke up and saw your messages. Hope you guys had fun at Topanga's_

Her phone dings only a moment later.

_No worries! We're actually still here! Lucas said he told you that we'd wait for you :) You weren't responding so we thought you might be sleeping. Farkle left a few minutes ago saying he'd come wake you up, should be there any minute_

Why does Maya have to have such persistent friends? 

She gets up to brush her teeth and make herself presentable. Just as she's finishing up her makeup, there's a knock at her window. _'Of course',_ she thinks, _'since when do any of my friends use front doors anymore?'_ She chuckles at the irony of that thought, considering she never uses the front door at Riley's, with the exception of last night.

She walks over to the window to let Farkle in. 

"Hey! You're up!", Farkle cheers.

"Yup. Just woke up a few minutes ago to an unnecessary mass of texts."

He huffs out a laugh, "Well we miss you." Maya rolls her eyes, they just saw her last night. "You're coming back with me though, right?"

"Do I even have a choice?" she drawls.

"Nope", he states matter-of-factly, popping the 'p.'

"In that case, let's go", then she adds with a mumble, "get this over-with already."

"What was that?", Farkle turns to her as he's about to duck out the window.

"Nothing", she squeaks.

He eyes her a moment, but then turns back to climbing out her window.

During their walk to Topanga's Farkle tells Maya what all happened after she and Lucas left last night.

"Zay did what?!", she half-shouts, clutching her stomach; she's laughing so hard her ribs hurt.

"It was priceless! You should have seen the look on Smackle's face when he ripped it.", he laughs, "she just stayed still for a second, processing it and finally blurted out 'WAS THAT REAL?'" Farkle can't contain his laughter as he tells the story. "I thought she was going to kill him. I mean, his butt was right in her face." According to Farkle, they played Twister again after Maya and Lucas left and Zay ripped a nasty ass fart in Smackle's face.

Maya's laughing so hard, she has tears in her eyes as they walk into Topanga's. They walk up to their friends, still giggling.

"What's so funny?", Lucas asks.

Maya avoids looking at him and turns to Farkle.

"I was just telling Maya about Zay's 'incident'-", placing air-quotes around incident, "-after you and her left last night."

Lucas is intrigued and turns to Zay, who looks over at Smackle with his classic toothy grin. Riley ends up telling the story again, and Lucas just about falls on the floor. Everyone is cracking up, even Smackle; Maya looks around at all her friends and realizes just how much she's missed this. She accidentally looks directly at Lucas and their eyes lock, her face begins heating up. She swiftly looks down, avoiding his gaze. _'Dammit. I've got to get this under control',_  she chides herself. 

They all sit there and chat about school and possible plans for the summer for a good hour. Maya can't believe they only have a couple months left in their Freshman year of high school.

"Speaking of school", Maya pipes up, "I should probably get home to work on my history paper."

"So soon?", Farkle inquires. _'Why does he have to be so nosy?'_  

"Yeah, you just got here-", Zay checks his phone for the time, "-a little over an hour ago. Stay for a little while longer."

"Yeah peaches, stay", Riley gives her best puppy dog pout.

"Please stay and hang out for a while Maya", Lucas chimes in.

"Ugh, fine." Maya relents. _'Why the hell are they so insistent on hanging out with me? There's nothing special about me'_. She's been having a lot of negative thoughts lately, hanging out with her friends today and last night has helped a bit. But Lucas is really throwing her off and screwing with her head; she knows he's not doing it intentionally, but it still messes with her all the same.

The door chimes as someone walks into Topanga's. "Hey kiddies!"

_'Boing! Yay! A distraction.'_

Maya looks up to give him her most flirtatious smile, "Well hello there Boing, what brings you here?" 

He smirks down at Maya and motions for her to scoot. There's barely any space for him on her little chair, but she's pretty certain he's well aware of this. He sits and turns to Maya, his face just a few inches away, "I had a feeling you might be here, so I wanted to stop by." 

She blushes, looking down a moment. It really is nice to feel desired by someone as amazing as Josh Matthews. 

She looks at him smiling, "Well I'm glad you did."

"Oh get a room!", Zay teases.

Maya and Josh laugh, turning to look at everyone else. Maya spots Lucas in the corner of her eye staring daggers at Josh, but Zay catches his glare and elbows him in the side. She smirks at that, _'Thank you Zay.'_

"So what were you all talking about here?", Josh inquires.

"We were just starting to discuss our plans for summer actually."

"Oh nice. What are some of your plans?"

"Well Smackle is going off to math camp in Jersey and I'm going to be attending a local science club", Farkle says with optimism.

"And I am going to play video games all summer", Zay says grinning. Everyone looks at him, "What? It's a great pass-time!... Oh, and Lucas and I are going back to Texas for about a month to visit, so I have _some_ other plans."

" _Speaking_ of which", Lucas drawls out, looking between Maya and Riley, "We were going to see if you two wanted to come with us?"

Riley grins from ear-to-ear.

"Oh, I don't know if my mom would let me-", Maya starts, but Lucas interrupts her.

"Zay and I actually already talked to your mom and she said yes. Mr. Matthews, on the other hand... might take some convincing." Lucas says, looking to Riley.

"Well I can't go without Riley", Maya tries.

"Of course you can Maya!", Riley insists cheerfully, "Hopefully I can talk my dad into it, but if anything I could stay here and keep Farkle company." She's always so happy; Maya envies that.

"We have a few days for you to decide", Zay informs, "but Pappy Jo wants to buy the plane tickets soon before they go up in price too much."

"Maya you have to go!", Riley tells her, "If I end up not being able to, then it's no biggy. I have Farkle." She smiles over at him and he smirks back, "But you loved Texas and Pappy Jo _adores_ you, so you have to go. If not for yourself, then go for him." Riley gives her that adorable puppy dog pout, which seals the deal. Plus, Maya can't say no to Pappy Jo, no matter how much she's dreading the idea of spending a month in close quarters with Lucas. Plus, Zay will be there, so that ought to help.

"Okay fine, I'll go", she relents, "but you better try real hard with your Dad Riles. I don't want to have to put up with these two on my own for a whole month." Maya points her thumb at Lucas and Zay.

"Yay!!", Riley exclaims excitedly.

Lucas is smiling at her, and Zay grins as he yells, "Yee-haw!!"

Josh seems a little uncomfortable, Maya doesn't really know why. She elbows him, "Hey. What about you? What are your plans?"

He looks over at her and smiles gently, "I was hoping to hang out with you some."

Maya paints a suggestive look on her face, "Oh really now?"

He chuckles, "Not what I meant, mind out of the gutter Hart. Long game, remember?' She nods.  "I just want to hang out as friends, get to know each other a little more."

She pretends to ponder this a moment, "I think I could pencil you in."

He playfully nudges her, "So that's how this going to be?"

She grabs his shirt in her fist and yanks him forward so they're nose-to-nose, he clearly wasn't expecting this. "Yeah, that's how this going to be Boing. Got a problem?" He glances down at her lips for a second and she decides it's probably best to let him go before he does something in front of her friends that he'd surely regret. 

"You're a little devil, you know that?", he mutters, his lips grazing her ear.

"She does that a lot", Lucas chimes in. 

Maya and Josh turn to see all of her friends staring at them. Josh scratches the back of his neck uncomfortably. She looks over at Lucas to find him looking at her with an unreadable expression. _'Is he mad or something? He has absolutely no right to be_.'

"Anyways", Maya announces, lightly drumming her knees, "I should really get going now. That history project won't do itself". She starts to stand up.

"I'll walk you", Josh offers. 

She turns to him and smiles, "Okay. Yeah that'd be nice".

Lucas seems bothered by this, but he doesn't say anything. _'Thank god'._ He needs to stop with the mixed signals, he made his choice.

Maya and Josh are discussing his college experience when they arrive at her apartment. He looks hesitantly at her door. 

"Do you want to come in for a few?" 

"Don't you have a project to work on?" he tilts his head in question.

"Well, yeah but you can still come in. I could use your input on my paper, college boy", she winks.

He smirks and nods his head, "Alright, but only for a little while."

They head back to her room. She pulls out her laptop and turns it on while he sits down on the floor, leaning back against her bed. 

"Here", she says, sitting next to him and sliding the computer into his lap, "read and tell me what you think."

He reads it over. "This is really good Maya, but it's practically finished, you were talking to your friends like you hadn't even started it yet."

"Yeah, I just wanted to get away from everyone for a little while. Too many people", she shrugs. "I love my friends and all, just need a break sometimes ya know?"

"Yeah I can understand that", he agrees, "so.."

"So..", Maya rubs her hands together, "you want to watch a movie or something?"

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea Maya."

"Why? Ya scared you won't be able to keep your hands off me", she teases.

He doesn't say anything to that. _'Oh.'_

Maya sighs, "Come on Boing, we can just watch as friends. You've gotta get used to hanging around as friends if you want to chill with me this summer", she nudges him with her elbow.

"Okay, _one_ movie", he relents.

"Yay!", Maya claps excitedly.

Josh shook his head and chuckled at her reaction and then stood, reaching down to offer Maya a hand up.

"So, what movie are we going to watch?", Josh eyes her.

"Hmm... How about 'The Longest Ride'", Maya offers up.

"A chick flick Maya?? Really??", but he doesn't put up much of a fight other than that.

She grins widely up at him and leads him into the living room. Her mom is at work and won't be home until late, she's closing at Topanga's.

"Want to set up the movie while I make some popcorn?" she asks.

"Yeah sure", Josh says, walking over to their movie shelf. 

By the time Maya's gotten their popcorn ready, Josh is already sitting on the couch with the movie on the title screen.

"Is this seat taken?" she quips.

"Yeah actually, there's this really pretty blonde girl that's supposed to be joining me, have you seen her around?" he teases, pretending to look around her. She blushes at him calling her pretty. But then the thought of Lucas apparently referring to her as "the blonde beauty" invades her mind; she tries to shake that thought as she sits next to Josh and he hits play on the movie.

After a few minutes, Josh scoots a little closer to Maya, so she decides to be a bit daring and slides her hand over his. He links their fingers together and smiles, eyes remaining glued to the TV.

When Sophia offers to read the old man's letters, Josh looks about ready to cry. 

"Aww Boing, is this tugging at your heart strings a little bit too much?" Maya teases.

He looks down at her and places his finger on her lips. "Shush, you tell no one about this."

Maya grins widely at that. She wonders what Lucas would think of this movie, what with him being a rodeo star and all himself. 

 _'Dammit, why do my thoughts always turn to Huckleberry?'_ she mentally chides herself.

Once they get to the steamy sex scene, Josh squirms a bit. 

Maya giggles and he looks down at her. "What are you giggling about?"

"Oh nothing, you're just cute when you get all flustered." she teases.

"I am not.. flustered." But the blush on his face tells another story.

Maya snorts at him.

"You know what?", he says as he grabs the remote to pause the movie, "I'll give you something to laugh at."

_'Oh shit, I'm fucked'_

He lurches forward and tickles Maya's sides. She falls over on her side and he follows, still tickling her. Giggling uncontrollably, Maya relents, "Okay okay, I'm sorry! You win! I promise won't make fun of your prude-ness anymore." He stops, grinning triumphantly down at her. They quickly realize their current position. Josh is hovering over Maya with his knees on both sides of her hips. The only sound is their increasingly heavy breathing, neither of them daring to move. He looks like he's having an inner battle with himself, and suddenly all Maya can think about is getting her kiss with Lucas out of her head, and this seems like as good a distraction as any. So she trails her fingers up Josh's sides, trying to coax him into it.

"Maya", he groans, laying his head on her shoulder, "we can't."

"Why not? I'm 15, you're 17. There's nothing wrong with it right now; not for a couple months." Maya insisted. 

He lifts his head off her shoulder to look in her eyes, pupils blown. Much like Lucas' were last night. _'Stop it Maya, you're not supposed to be thinking of Lucas right now.'_

"You know I'm right Josh", Maya pants, her breathing uneven and her heart racing.

He glances down at her mouth, "Fuck it". He leans down and captures her lips with his own. She opens her mouth to him and he accepts her invitation as he slips his tongue in. Moaning into his mouth, she trails her hands up inside of his shirt, as he trails his fingertips up her thighs; lightly squeezing them. He groans and trails kisses down her throat and then back up to her mouth. 

 After a few minutes of making out, Josh pushes himself up on his hands, still hovering over Maya. His eyes are dark as he stares down at her. "I've wanted to do that for a while now", he says, still breathless. 

"Me too", Maya says as she reaches her hand up to cup his cheek; he closes his eyes and leans into her touch.

Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.

"Shit!" Josh whispers, as he moves to get off her. When he does, she looks down and sees a bulge.

He's making his way over to the door. "Hey, no!", she whispers before he can reach the handle; he turns to her and she glances down; his eyes follow hers and go wide with panic. "Just go hide in my closet, quick. Go!" she whispers, ushering him towards her room. 

She flicks the TV off and moves to answer the door, fixing her hair before opening it to see who's on the other side. 

"Lucas? What are you doing here?"

_'Shit'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts!! Sorry if you're not a fan of Joshaya, but it has to happen before Lucaya does. I feel like Maya needs closure with that, just like Lucas needs closure with Riley. 
> 
> (Plus, I actually like Joshaya so it's sort of fun for me to write a little bit of it.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh is hiding in Maya's closet while Lucas paces around her living room, what could possibly go wrong??

**_Lucas' POV_ **

"I wanted to.. talk to you", he says slowly, eyeing her disheveled appearance, "Umm.. Are you okay? You look a little shaken up." 

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. But I'm not really in the mood to talk right now, sort of stressing over this paper", Maya replies shakily.

He eyes her suspiciously, something's up. "Maya, what's wrong? Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying", she squeaks. 

"Yeah, you clearly are. What's going on?", he pushes.

"Nothing, I just... have a lot going on in my life right now. Why do you even care?", she snaps.

He flinches at that, because of course he cares.

"Maya, you know that I care about you. What do I have to do to make you believe that?", he groans, frustrated as he makes his way through the doorway.

"Sure, come on in." Maya quips, her voice laden with sarcasm. She closes the door behind them.

 _'Why the hell is she acting so off lately?',_ Lucas finds himself pacing back and forth in her living room, trying to think of something to say.

** _Maya's POV_ **

He's pacing around the room, so she takes this moment to shoot a quick text to Josh.

_You should probably head home. You can go out my window, we'll talk later :)_

Lucas stops pacing and turns to her. "Maya, tell me what I have to do to get you to talk to me. I don't want things to be weird like this between us." 

Her phone beeps in that moment and she quickly checks it.

_Okay, that's probably a good idea. See you later beautiful ;)_

She smiles at her phone, then tosses it over onto the couch to give Lucas her undivided attention; otherwise he'll never leave.

"Okay, Lucas-", she begins, but is interrupted by something getting knocked over in her room.

Lucas is suddenly on alert, staring down the hallway. He pushes Maya behind him and motions for her to stay put as he starts toward her room.

"No, Lucas wait. Don't-"

"It's okay Maya, stay there", he reassures her quietly.

"No Lucas, don't worry about it!", she whispers loudly, not entirely sure why she's whispering, "Don't go in there, let me explain."

She rushes behind him and catches up just as he's opening her door. She peers around his frame to see that nobody's there, she breathes a sigh of relief. But her relief is quickly squashed when he goes to peer out her window. He turns to Maya, and based on the look of his face, he must have seen Josh.

"Josh?", he asks, his voice breaking, "What was Josh doing here? He walked you home two hours ago."

"Oh umm.. He was just helping me work on my paper", she tries.

"Huh, really? Is that why your laptop and history book aren't out?", he interrogates, "Is that why your face was all flushed when you answered the door?" 

"Lucas, why do you even care what he was doing here? It doesn't effect you", Maya points out.

"Yes, it does Maya!" Lucas snaps.

She flinches slightly at his outburst, but then finds herself frustrated by his insinuation that what she and Josh do together is any of his concern. "No, it doesn't!! How? Huh?? Tell me Lucas, how does what _I_ do with Josh effect you?" She insists, getting up in his face.

"Maya", he huffs out in warning.

"What Huckleberry?" She bunches her fist up in his shirt and pulls him to her so they're nose-to-nose; fixing him with a threatening glare. "Tell. Me. Why. Now", punctuating each word with a tug.

He looks down at her intensely. Before she knows it, he's kissing her. She melts right into it and wraps her hands up around the back of his neck. He teases the seam of her lips with his tongue and she opens obligingly. Lucas starts walking her backwards toward her bed, laying her down beneath him. He leans over her and she scoots back, pulling him on top of her completely.

He moans her name and Maya suddenly comes to her senses, pushing him off. "Lucas, we can't." He looks taken aback at first, but it becomes clear the moment he realizes. Maya is overcome by a strange sense of deja-vu, accompanied by that familiar, overwhelming feeling of guilt. Her eyes start welling up and her face falls into her hands.

"Oh my god", she cries, "I'm such a fucking idiot. How could I be so- so- ugh? God, I hate myself. I can't believe I-".

She feels the bed dip as Lucas sits by her, "Maya", he starts. He hesitantly places his hand on her shoulder and she jerks away from his touch like he'd burned her, "Don't touch me!".

"I'm so sorry Maya, I- I don't know what came over me", he tries.

" _Twice_." she says in a shaky voice, "we've fucked up and betrayed Riley _twice_ in less than _24 hours_. My _best_ friend. Your _girlfriend_."

"What are we going to do?" Lucas asks, rubbing his hands roughly down his face. "She'll never forgive us."

"Yes she will", Maya states weakly, "She would forgive us because she's Riley, that's who she is. But she would be crushed, and the pain would stick with her every fucking day. She'd never be the same. Riley sees the good in people.. she saw the good in me." She pauses a moment, Lucas is watching her intently, waiting for her to finish. She looks up into his eyes, "I don't want to lie to her, Lucas. I don't. But I also don't want her to get hurt. I don't want to ruin her positive outlook on the world, and this-", she indicates between the two of them, "-would break her heart and make her question everything. If we decide to keep it a secret, it really can't happen again.. _Ever._ Got it?"

He nods his head in agreement.

"Which means", she adds, "you can't come here again, not unless someone else is with you. Okay?"

"Okay", he agrees, "Maya, I'm so sorry. I don't even know why-"

She puts her hand up to stop him, "It doesn't matter why Lucas, it happened. And it was a mistake. A mistake that can never happen again." He seems to flinch at the use of the word 'mistake', but says nothing.

"You're right Maya." 

"It was probably more my fault anyways", she shrugs, running her fingers through her hair as she brushes it back off her face .

"How so?", he eyes her.

"Well my hormones were already on overdrive because of Josh-", she pauses a moment realizing that she'd just confirmed Lucas' earlier suspicions, but decides to continue anyways, "-and I think that made it easier for me to.. get caught up in the moment. Sorry, I should've been more thoughtful".

She looks up to see him staring at her, a sad, but otherwise unreadable expression on his face.

"Lucas? Are you okay?" she tries. No response. "Look, I'm sorry I kissed you. Please don't hate me for it."

He looks up at her, taken aback at her words and finally speaks up, "Maya, I could never hate you. I just... I hope you know what you're doing with Josh. He's in college and he'll be 18 in just a couple months. He could get in a lot of trouble if this keeps up."

She sighs. "I know. We just-", she pauses , "I don't know, but you should probably leave now."

He nods and scoffs lightly, shaking his head, "Once again, I screwed up my chance at talking things out and fixing whatever's going on here."

"Sorry Huckleberry. Tough luck." she jokes.

He chuckles, "Yeah. Next time."

She shakes her head and stands up, "I'll walk you to the door." He nods his head in understanding and moves to stand up too. When they get to the door, she opens it and he steps out into the hall.

He turns to face her, "Bye Maya."

"Goodbye Lucas", she says, as she closes the door, locking up behind him.

She drags her feet back to her bedroom and locks her door behind her, then climbs into her bed, clutching at the sheets, her knuckles turning white. _'Why am I so stupid?'_ Kissing Lucas twice now is really starting to fuck with her head; part of her, the part that she can't seem to get a grip on, is happy knowing what his lips feel like. The other, more dominant, part of her is crushed by a feeling worse than any pain she's ever felt, knowing that he doesn't feel the same. Plus, she betrayed her best friend in the whole world and the guilt is eating away at her.  Why does he have to keep kissing her when he clearly doesn't feel that way? _'Guys and their fucking hormones'_. She turns her head and screams into her pillow, then the screams turn into sobs. Curling her knees up into her chest, she clutches the edge of her pillow like it's her lifeline and cries herself to sleep.

* * *

 

_** Riley's POV ** _

It's Monday morning, school's about to start, and Riley hasn't seen Maya yet. She texted her yesterday to see if she'd go to the movies with them, and all she got in response was: 

_Can't. Sorry Riles. History paper and art project due next week._

That was the last she heard from her, and class was about to start. 

Riley turns to the boy next to her, "Farkle?", he looks up at her, "do you know where Maya is? Is she sick or something?"

"I don't know, I can call or text her to ask, but if she's not responding to you, I doubt she'd have anything to say to me. She might just be skipping today."

"But why would she do that without telling me?" Riley questions, confused.

"Maybe she's got a lot on her plate", Zay pitches in, "she has been acting a little off lately. School might just have her a little overwhelmed and she decided to take a break."

Riley angles herself to face Lucas, "Hey Lucas", he looks up with a blank expression, "have you heard from Maya at all?"

He shakes his head, "No, not since Saturday."

"Hmm", Riley says, "Farkle, don't  you have a free period today during math because of that senior class trip?"

"Sure do. Why?"

She just gives him a look and he nods his head in understanding. "Don't worry Riley, I'll go check on her", he reassures. 

"Thank you Farkle", she smiles, reaching over to touch his hand. She feels a burning sensation in the pit of her stomach when he turns his palm over to clutch her hand in his for a moment, but tries not to think too much of it.

"Anything for you Riley", he smiles, giving her hand one last squeeze before letting go, both turning to face the front of the class as Riley's dad starts the class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts! I'm not sure how I felt about this chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farkle and Maya have a long overdue talk.

When it came time for his free period, Farkle leaves school to make his way over to Maya's.

Once there, he taps on her window and hears a sleepy groan come from inside. He smiles to himself, of course she was sleeping. When she opens the window he's able to get a good look at her, and she looks awful. She's still beautiful of course, just looks... broken. Her eyes are puffy and her cheeks are splotchy.

He swiftly climbs through the window and approaches her, "Maya, what's wrong? Have- have you been crying?"

"No", she replies, but her voice cracks and he just knows.

"Maya", he pleads, voice barely a whisper.

She looks up with dejected eyes, her lower lip quivering; clearly trying hard to keep herself together. He closes the distance between them to pull her into his arms and her body starts trembling. He feels his shirt becoming drenched in tears, but he doesn't mind; what bothers him is seeing her like this. He lets her sob into his chest, and slowly guiding her towards the bed so they can sit and he can properly hold her while she cries. He starts running his fingers up and down her back, doing his best to comfort her.

After a few minutes, her breathing evens out. "Maya", he cooes, "I meant what I said before. You can talk to me. You can trust me."

She sniffles shakily. "I can't", she stammers, words muffled by his shirt, "You- You'd hate me if I told you." 

"Maya, I would never hate you. I've loved you and Riley for as long as I can remember and I always will", he reassures her, "Nothing you tell me could possibly make me hate you."

He feels her nod her head in understanding and breathes a sigh of relief, now they're getting somewhere.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong? I'm not going to make you tell me or anything. I just think you need someone to talk to, and I want you to know that I'm here."

"Okay", she agrees, pulling herself away from him so that he can see her face.

"Okay?", he asks, making sure she's saying what he thinks; that she's finally going to open up to someone about whatever it is that's been bothering her.

She nods her head, "But first... I need to ask you something."

"Okay, shoot."

"Why-", she starts, "why is it..." hesitating, "why is it that _I'm_ not allowed to grow?"

He's a bit confused now. "What do you mean by that?"

She takes a deep breath and starts again, "Why is it, that when I decide to try harder in school and _finally_ start getting my life together, you all decide I'm not being myself? Why is it that when someone like Lucas or Smackle or _you_ decides to change, you're 'growing up', but when _I_ do it, I'm trying to be Riley?" She looks at him expectantly.

"Maya I d-", he pauses. The truth is, he never thought of it like that. He doesn't know what to say because he feels like the worst possible friend right now.

"You what?", she scoffs, voice unsteady again. "You didn't _know_? Well how _could_ you? I _tried_ to tell you guys and none of you would  _listen_ to me. Everyone kept insisting _over_ and _over_ again that I was Riley until I _finally_ just chose to accept it so you'd all get off my fucking back", she cries, stopping to take a breath. "Do you have any idea how that made me feel?" Her voice is breaking now and he sees tears threatening the rims of her eyes again; his own eyes burning now. 

"I- I'm so sorry Maya."

She shakes her head and continues again, "So, I played along. I agreed with everyone. Saying that my good grades and my new clothes and my feelings for Lucas were all just me trying to be Riley." She was speaking so fast, he barely caught the last one.

"Wait wait.. back up a minute", he starts, looking down. He's hesitant to ask the question on the tip of his tongue because, if he's right about this, he doesn't know if he can forgive himself for being so inconsiderate of Maya's feelings. "Do you-", he looks up into her eyes, "Maya, do you actually have feelings for Lucas? Like... real feelings?"

Her lower lip quivers and she closes her eyes. Her face crumples, tears rolling down her cheeks as she nods her head in confirmation.

Farkle blinks, "Oh my god, Maya."

"That's not why I didn't go to school today though Farkle. That's not what I think is going to make you hate me", she sobs, shaking her head.

"What is it Maya? You can tell me."

"Friday night-" she hesitates, "-after we left, and Lucas walked me to my door, he came inside-", her voice breaking, "he wanted to know why I haven't been speaking to him. But he came inside and... we- we kissed."

Farkle doesn't know what to say to that.

Maya steadies her breathing and sits straight up, her eyes wide and pleading. "We stopped as soon as we realized what we were doing though Farkle, you have to believe me. I would never do anything to hurt Riley on purpose. It was an accident", Maya stops to take a breath, "We agreed not to tell Riley because... it didn't mean anything."

"But it did mean something", Farkle points out, "it meant something to you Maya."

She shakes her head, sniffling, "Doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. Maya, your feelings matter."

"Oh do they now?" she challenges, hurt evident in her voice, "Since when Farkle? Since when do _my_ feelings mean anything to you? Since you humiliated me in front of all our friends on New Years?"

He lets that sink in a moment, her words taking him by surprise. 

Maya stands, pacing back and forth around the room. "You could have come to _me_ Farkle. Hell, you could have pulled me _and_ Lucas aside to tell us or something. But nooo", she sneered as she stops to look at him, tears in her eyes, "you just _had_ to announce it in front of everyone. You just _had_ to make _me_ look like this awful person for not noticing that my _best_ friend was hiding her feelings from me."

"Maya I-", Farkle stammers, on the verge of tears, "I'm so- I didn't mean to- I thought your feelings for Lucas weren't real... Maya I'm so sorry. You probably hate me", he cries. Farkle never cries. "I can't believe I was so inconsiderate"

Maya softens at that and exhales slowly. "Farkle, I don't hate you. Not even a little. Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I think I've just been holding that in for a long time and I sort of just- exploded. I shouldn't have taken it all out on you"

"Don't apologize Maya", he stands, "I can't believe you've been holding onto all of that this whole time." He pulls her into another hug, "You shouldn't have had to deal with all this on your own. I should have noticed. We _all_ should have noticed."

"S'okay Farkle", Maya reassures him, "I was trying really hard to hide it from you all. Plus, _you_ did start to notice, hence why you're here. Thank you for caring so much." She squeezes him one last time and pulls back. He watches her eyes trail over to her alarm clock and notices the time, "Shit! Farkle, you gotta go", she starts ushering him toward the window.

He doesn't budge though. "No Maya, it's okay. I'm going to stay and hang out with you for a while. I can miss a couple classes."

"Are you sure?"

He smiles down at her and nods, "I've got a GPA over 4.0, I'll be fine. Want to binge-watch some F.R.I.E.N.D.S?"

She grins widely up at him, "You know me so well."

He winks and places his arm over her shoulders, leading them both down the hall to the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas wants to repair whatever it is that's broken in his and Maya's friendship.

Lucas desperately wants to know how Maya is doing, it's not like her to miss school without at least telling Riley. He's walking down the hall keeping an eye out for Farkle, who apparently went to check up on her, when he spots Riley at the lockers.

He approaches her smiling, "Hi."

"Hey."

 _'Is our relationship ever going to move past this?'_ Lucas thinks before he's able to stop himself. _'You're not allowed to think that way.'_

"Have you seen Farkle?", Riley asks, interrupting his thoughts, "He went to check on Maya the period before last and I still haven't seem him."

"No I haven't. Did you try texting him?", he asks, "If not, I would try that."

Texting Farkle about Maya himself may raise some eyebrows.

"I did", she replies, "he hasn't responded yet."

Lucas' face falls a bit, "Oh, well we could go over there after school today if you want?" he suggests, hoping she'll say yes because Maya told him not to come over alone anymore.

"If that's okay with you? I know we were supposed to go hang out at Topanga's after school."

"I don't mind", he responds, a little too quickly.

"Okay then. It's settled. Meet me at my locker after school", she says smiling, and with that she's skipping off to her next class.

And that's that. No kiss on the cheek. No hug. _'Nothing's changed since we started officially dating. It's like we don't even act like a couple, what's the point in that?'_

Lucas tries to shake the thought out of his head. Thoughts like that keep popping into his mind and it needs to stop. He can't start having doubts about his relationship with Riley. Maya would never speak to him again if he hurt her best friend. _'Why the hell am I thinking about what Maya would think? This has nothing to do with her',_ he silently scolds himself. Truth is, he'd never want to hurt Riley. He cares about her so much, but it's getting harder and harder not to think about Maya after they kissed. Kissing her just felt so... right in a way that he's never felt with Riley before.

 _'Dammit Lucas, **stop**.' H_ e shakes his head and makes his way to his next class.

* * *

 

After school, Lucas and Riley head over to Maya's. They decide to use the front door, and as they approach, he hears laughter coming from inside.

 _*knock knock*_ Riley raps on the door.

It takes a minute for someone to open it and when they do, he's a bit confused.

"Farkle?" he asks, "What are you still doing here?"

_'Shouldn't he be with Smackle? Or anywhere that's not here?'_

"Oh, Maya and I got caught up watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, guess we lost track of time", Farkle chuckles nervously.

"So Maya is okay?" Riley asks, making her way inside, "Peaches! Why weren't you at school today? I called and texted you a bunch."

Maya looks up at Riley from the couch, still watching the TV with laughter in her eyes, but when she sees Lucas her face falls. She seems to catch herself quickly and plasters a smile back on as she turns back to Riley. Nobody else seemed to notice, but Lucas did. 

"I wasn't feeling very good this morning, sorry I didn't answer you Riles. I-", she pauses a moment, like she's thinking of what to say. It was barely noticeable to anyone else, but Lucas caught it. _He knows her_. "-I left my phone sitting in my room all day and didn't hear it ring."

She's lying. Why is she lying? Lucas eyes her and she looks to him in that moment, their eyes meeting. Her eyes widen and she blushes as she breaks their gaze and looks down.

Riley sits down next to Maya and wraps her arms around her, "It's okay Peaches, I'm just glad you seem to be feeling better."

"Thanks Riles, I am", she says smiling up at Farkle, who smiles sweetly back at her. Lucas feels a pang of jealousy, but he has no right to feel that way.

"Hey Riley, Lucas?", Riley and Lucas look to Farkle, "I got this, you two can go on and do whatever it is you had planned for today. But before you go, did either of you by chance get Maya's classwork from today by chance?"

"Yeah I did actually", Riley announces as she gets up to grab her backpack and pulls out a manila folder. "Here ya go Maya."

"You're the best friend anyone could ever ask for, ya know that?", Maya smirks.

Riley beams at her then turns to Lucas, "Well, I guess we should go, ready?"

Part of him wants to object, but the other half knows better. "Yup." he says, sparing one last glance at Maya, who's staring intently at the floor.

* * *

 

**_Four days later (Friday)._ **

After the final bell rings, Maya is standing at her locker getting what she needs for the weekend when a familiar voice says her name.

"Maya."

She sighs and turns around.

"What do you want Huckleb- I mean Lucas?"

"I want to talk to you. Please Maya. We really need to talk about what happened between us."

"There's nothing to talk about." She slams her locker door closed and starts walking fast, knowing Lucas is not far behind. When she opens the door to the art room, she turns to close it quickly, but Lucas wedges his foot in it.

"Maya I'm sorry, but we really need to talk about this. I don't like things being so weird between us."

She scoffs, because things have been weird between them since long before they kissed; the only difference is, it's more painful for her now. Maya chooses to go about her business like she normally would, getting out supplies and everything, doing her best to pretend Lucas isn't there. He closes the door behind him and walks towards her.

"You do realize we'll be in Texas in a little less than two months now, right? We have to sort this whole thing out, or Zay will notice something is off", Lucas points out.

"What makes you think I'm still going to Texas with you guys? Riley can't go, remember?", Maya says, still gathering supplies and actively avoiding looking in Lucas' direction.

"I do actually, I also happen to remember you agreeing to go regardless of whether or not Riley was able to. Pappy Jo already bought our plane tickets Maya."

She stops for a minute and closes her eyes; when she opens them, Lucas is standing right in front of her. "Shit!", she breathes, jumping back a bit, "Don't do that, you scared me."

He takes a step towards her, "Maya, you can't avoid this forever. We need to talk about the kiss." He says the _kiss_ in a low whisper and she catches his eyes glimpse down at her lips, "I don't want to lose you as a friend."

She can feel her eyes welling up and turns away from him to finish gathering her supplies. How can she want to be so far away from him while simultaneously wanting to be so close? He gently places his hand on her arm, but she jerks it away like he burned her.

"Please don't", she breathes out quietly, "There's nothing to talk about. We're still friends. I just... I need time. You should really go, I have someone meeting me here in a few to pose for my art project."

He moves to stand close to her again and quietly says, "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me Maya. I feel like you're afraid of me and I never want to make you feel that way."

She turns to him and with her voice barely above a whisper, she says, "Lucas, I could never be afraid of you. I promise. I just need some time to get over the fact that I betrayed my best friend in the whole world twice."

His shoulders seem to lose a bit of their tension at that, "I understand. I just want to make sure I haven't wrecked any chance I had at us being good friends again." He stares into her eyes in a way that makes her heart skip a beat and adds in a whisper, "I miss you."

Her heart breaks a little at that... okay actually a lot. This is getting to be too hard.

"I miss you too Huckleberry", she says honestly, a sad smile on her lips, "I just-"

She's interrupted by the door opening and a familiar voice saying, "Hey Maya, where do you want me?"

She sees Lucas tense up out of the corner of her eye.

"Oh hey Lucas, what are you doing here?" Josh asks as comes around the easel that was blocking his view of the two.

Lucas opens his mouth to speak, but Maya beats him to it. "He was just telling me the details about our trip down to Texas this summer."

Josh looks between the two of them, "Oh gotcha. Uhh.. is Riley going?"

"Nah, she and her family are taking a trip to London for like 2 weeks. Plus Mr. Matthews doesn't want a repeat of what happened last time we were in Texas", Lucas answers, scratching the back of his neck a little uncomfortably.

"Hmm", Josh replies, then slowly asks, "Sooo it'll just be you and Maya?"

"And Zay", Lucas corrects him.

"And Pappy Jo!", Maya adds with a grin, trying to break the weird tension in the room.

Lucas smiles down at Maya, "And Pappy Jo", he confirms then after a beat says, "Welp, I guess I should get out of your hair. I'll see you guys later."

"Later man", Josh pats him on the shoulder. Lucas seems to draw back just the slightest bit from his touch, probably not noticeable to Josh, but Maya saw it.

"Bye Huckleberry."

He looks to Maya as he's walking out the door and smiles at her, then waves at them both.

When the door closes behind Lucas, Josh turns to Maya, "So, where do you want me?"

She goes to grab a stool from the corner of the room and places it in the middle of the floor. "Right here", she pats the seat, and turns around to find him standing directly in front of her.

"Hey Boing, getting a little close there, don't ya think?", she jokes.

He leans in so that his mouth is touching her ear, his warm breath trickling down her neck. "Mmm. On the contrary, I don't think I'm close enough." He pulls back to look at her and then he's kissing her, a kiss that makes her knees go weak so she has to grab onto the stool to anchor herself; which was a terrible idea, as it slides out from under her and they both fall to the ground. Josh holds the back of her head at the last second so she doesn't hit it on the hard tile.

Maya starts laughing, Josh just beams down at her, his face and body hovering over hers. He glances down at her lips and then closes the distance between them again. After making out for a moment, he pulls back to take a breath then leans down to start kissing her again, she pokes at his cheek in a half-hearted attempt to stop him, and he starts placing feathery kisses down to her collarbone. Giggling, she takes his face in her hands and lifts it so he's facing her, "Okay, as nice as this is, we should really get to work."

He groans playfully and gives her a quick chaste kiss, then he moves to stand, offering her a hand up. Once they're standing, he gently brushes a strand of hair out of her face and stares into her eyes for a moment. He's so gorgeous. She wishes more than anything that she felt as deeply for him as she does for Lucas; it would make everything a lot less complicated. Josh goes to move the stool back to its original position and sits while Maya instructs him on where to put his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is pretty much finished, should be up later today or tomorrow :) 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts please! I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about this fic.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who did ya pick then?"
> 
> "I- I've never told anyone who I picked that day. I'm not sure if I should. I don't think it'd be fair to either girl."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took longer than I meant for it to. I had a minor case of writer's block and I didn't want to post this chapter until I had a good jump on the next.

Lucas wasn't particularly fond of leaving Maya alone with Josh, but that's not supposed to be a concern of his. He's sitting at Topanga's with his friends. Farkle and Riley are making plans to hang out in the summer and working around Farkle's schedule, while Maya, Zay and Lucas will be down in Texas. Zay and Smackle are laughing about something. Smackle laughing is a rare occurrence, but Zay is really good at getting it out of her.

Everyone is caught up in their own one-on-one conversations, so Lucas sneaks away to go talk to Mrs. Hunter. He smiles to himself at the name, Shawn is the best thing that's happened to that family in a long time.

"Well hi there Lucas", she greets in her adorable accent.

"Hi Mrs. Hunter, how have you been? It's been a while."

"It sure has", she nods, "I've been doing very well though. What about you Lucas? How have you been since you rejected my daughter?"

He widens his eyes and stands there shocked for a moment, until her deadpan turns into a teasing grin, "I'm just joking with you", she laughs, "Maya explained the whole thing to me. How she was apparently not herself and you only liked her because she was being Riley, et cetera, et cetera."

Lucas shakes his head, "That's not true." Katy looks at him questioningly. He knows that it's probably a bad idea to say this, but it feels wrong to let her believe that. "I didn't like Maya because she was 'being Riley'. To be honest, I didn't agree with people saying she 'became Riley'."

Katy looks at him a moment, "You mean to tell me that you actually liked my daughter?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm not dense, I can tell the difference between Maya and Riley."

She leans over the counter so nobody else overhears her whisper, "But you chose Riley, why?"

"Umm..", he actually doesn't know how to answer that. He knows he gave her a jellybean? He knows he was jealous of Riley staying up all night talking to that guy. He thought they were losing her to him. She wouldn't talk to anyone else about her thoughts; but then again, it is easier to pour your heart out to a stranger. He also knows Riley fell into his lap on the subway, that's got to mean something right? But, Maya pushed her. And Maya pushed Lucas to ask Riley on their first date... She pushed Riley into his lap on the subway that time too. Then she pushed Lucas to choose Riley at the bay window on the night he made his choice, and then again at the ski lodge.

_'Would Riley and I even be together if it weren't for Maya?'_

"Hey!", Katy whisper-shouts, snapping her fingers in his face, "You alright there?"

"Oh uh.. yeah. Just thinking."

"You never answered my question", she eyed him suspiciously, "Why'd you pick Riley?"

"Well Maya decided that her feelings for me were just a result of her being Riley, so it made my choice pretty clear."

"What if Maya's feelings for you were genuine? Would you have still made the same choice?"

Lucas looked over his shoulder to make sure Riley was still preoccupied talking to Farkle; she was. He looked back at Katy, "Honestly?", he takes a deep breath and sighs, "I don't know."

"But you had made a decision before it was said that Maya became Riley. At the bay window that night when the girls ran off to Shawn's, remember?"

He nods, not liking where this question was going.

"Who did ya pick then?"

"I- I've never actually told anyone who I picked that day. I'm not sure if I should. It doesn't seem fair to either girl."

She just stares at him expectantly.

"Mrs. Hunter, I don't think I should sa-"

"Just spit it out!", she whisper-yells.

"I chose Maya", he confesses quietly, looking down.

"You _what_?", Farkle says from behind him.

_'Shit.'_

He slowly turns a bit to face him, peering over Farkle's shoulder to see Riley laughing with Zay and Smackle.

"Farkle, hold on. Let me explain... I wasn't talking about at the ski lodge. I was talking about the night I was sitting in the bay window."

Farkle stares at him, grabs onto his wrist, and drags him outside Topanga's. Lucas just lets him.

He stops outside and turns to face Lucas, "You mean to tell me, that the night where you sat in the bay window for **_five_** hours thinking about your decision, you chose _Maya_?", Farkle asks him, a bit of hostility in his tone.

"Well, yeah but-"

"No. No buts, okay? That's a big deal Lucas."

"Farkle, no it's not. Are you forgetting that one crucial detail? Maya wasn't herself, everyone said she turned into Riley and things got all flipped around", he insists.

Farkle shakes his head and says, "She wasn't Riley though. She was Maya. She's always been Maya and we were wrong to ever tell her otherwise."

"Wait, weren't you on board for the whole 'Maya being Riley' thing?"

"I guess so. I'm not sure if anybody was as on board as Riley was to be honest. I think everyone just sort of went with it because Maya ended up agreeing with Riley."

"But Maya _was_ acting differently", Lucas points out, "I'm not saying she was being Riley, but she wasn't quite acting like herself, you have to admit."

"Yeah, I think she was just really confused by the way everyone around her was saying that she wasn't being herself. And I think the triangle was hurting her more than she let on. Maya doesn't like having conflict between friends."

Lucas nodded, "Yeah. I guess I never thought about it like that."

"We're getting off topic though", Farkle waves his hands dismissively, "Back to you choosing Maya."

"It doesn't matter now Farkle. Regardless of whether she was herself or not, Maya never liked me for real, she was just protecting Riley. So Riley it is."

"But did you choose Riley because she's who you wanted to choose, or because Maya removed herself from the equation?"

"Farkle-", Lucas warns, "Don't go there. I'm with Riley now, okay? And Maya is with Josh. That's all that matters."

"No it's not!", Farkle protested, "God, you and Maya are exactly the same when it comes to your feelings for each other." As soon as the words come out, he clamps his hand over his own mouth.

Lucas just stares at him in shock and confusion. "Wait what?"

"Nothing. Ignore everything I just said." Farkle turns to walk back inside, but Lucas grabs him by the arm and drags him along up the stairs, away from Topanga's.

He stops once they've walked for a good five minutes and looks at Farkle, "Okay. Spill. What did you mean, 'we're exactly the same with our _feelings for each other_ '?"

Farkle stands there looking down, not saying anything.

"Farkle!", Lucas growls.

He sighs, "Neither of you see any importance in talking about your own feelings. It's all about what everyone else wants. Well, really it always goes back to being about what Riley wants. You both either avoid talking about your feelings altogether or simply deny having any towards the other."

Now Lucas is really lost, "Feelings for each other? Maya never even had real feelings for me? And I never actually denied having feelings for Maya", he points out.

"I'm going to tackle what you said just now one thing at a time, okay?"

Lucas nods.

"First, I'm not sure how I overlooked the fact that you've never explicitly stated how you felt about Maya. So, I'm sorry for that."

Lucas just shrugs, "It's okay. Second?"

"Second", Farkle continues, "what makes you say Maya never had real feelings towards you?"

"Oh that's easy. She told Josh at the ski-lodge that she doesn't like me like that", he feels a pang in his chest as the words leave his mouth. That hurt more than he thought it would to say out loud.

Farkle just stands there shaking his head, "See? That's what I meant when I said you either deny or don't speak of them. If Maya didn't have feelings for you Lucas, then why would she have kissed you back?"

Lucas feels all the blood drain from his face. "H-How did you know about that?"

He takes a deep breath, "When I went to see her the other day, Maya was really upset. I ended up getting it out of her. But don't worry, I won't say anything. I promised Maya. I really shouldn't even be talking to you about this."

"Well then why did you tell me?"

"Because of what you said in there. I think there's more to your own feelings than you're saying; and I think you need to figure some things out for yourself, before someone else gets hurt."

"Someone _else_? Farkle, is this about Maya? Is she okay?", Lucas asks, concerned. He never wanted Maya to get hurt. Ever.

"Honestly? I don't know. All I know for sure, is that you need to figure your shit out. Riley and Maya are very important to me. I don't want to see anyone get hurt."

"Neither do I", Lucas proclaims, "Those two mean the world to me. I don't know what I would do if either of them got hurt because of me."

Farkle scoffs and turns away.

Lucas takes a step towards him, "What was that for?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it", he retorts.

"That wasn't nothing Farkle. What aren't you telling me?", Lucas demands.

"All I've got to say is, either figure your shit out, or stay away from Maya."

Lucas is at a loss for words. _'Why the sudden turn? What is Farkle not telling me?'_ He just runs his hands over his face and through his hair.

"Okay Farkle. I get that you don't want to tell me all that you and Maya talked about, but if I did something to actually cause her pain, I _need_ you to tell me so I can fix it, please", Lucas begs.

"Don't you get it? You can't just 'fix' it. You have to figure your own feelings out first. You all do", Farkle turns to walk away, but now Lucas has something to say.

"You know I could say the same to you."

Farkle stops in his tracks, "What's that supposed to mean", he says over his shoulder.

"I think you know exactly what it means. I see the way you are with Riley", he pauses, hesitating, "And.. I see the way she is with you."

Farkle turns around to face Lucas now, feigning ignorance, "I have Smackle."

"And? I have Riley, didn't stop you and I from having this conversation", he points out.

"Touche. Guess we all have some figuring out to do", Farkle confesses.

"Yeah we do. Umm-", he stops for a beat, "do you think I should... break up with Riley for now? I just don't think I should be dating anyone while I'm figuring all this out. While we're all figuring out our feelings."

"I think that's up to you Lucas. But if you're planning on breaking up with Riley for any period of time, choose your words very carefully. Please. I don't want to see her get hurt too."

_'There he goes again. Implying that Maya is hurting... because of me. But she doesn't want me there to comfort her, so how am I supposed to fix it?'_

He sighs, "Okay. Thanks Farkle, you're right. I have a lot to think about."

"So do I apparently. We should head back. They're going to wonder where we went."

Lucas nods in agreement, "Yeah, that's a good idea."

* * *

 

When they walk back through the doors at Topanga's, Riley stands up and marches over to them. "Where have you two been? You've been gone for almost 40 minutes."

"Sorry Riley, we went for a walk and lost track of time", Farkle apologizes.

She looks between both of them then sighs, "No worries Farkle. We just thought you guys left us." She shrugs and walks with them back to the couches. 

They hear the bell ring; it's Maya and Josh. Maya looks a little flushed and Lucas tenses up when he realizes what that most likely means. ' _Seriously?? He's almost 18, this needs to stop.'_ His blood is already boiling, he considers making up an excuse to leave so he doesn't do something he regrets.

Farkle elbows him a bit, bringing him back into focus. Lucas looks at him after a beat, but then he follow Farkle's eyes and sees he's looking at Maya and Josh flirting. He actually looks as bothered by the whole thing as Lucas feels. Of course he is. Farkle cares a lot about Maya and Riley, and he probably knows that the chances of Maya coming out of this whole thing with Josh unscathed are really low. _'If he hurts her... I don't know if I'd be able to restrain myself. It could end up being worse than what I did back in Texas.'_ He shudders at the memory and tries to reassure himself, once again, that Josh is a Matthews. But so is Riley, and apparently she might have hurt Maya more than anyone with all that identity crisis bullshit. 

"Hey Lucas?"

He turns to Riley, "Yeah Riley?"

"Are you okay?", she tilts her head in concern.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. I'm just getting a little tired."

"Tired already?", Josh asks, apparently overhearing.

Lucas looks over at Josh, trying his best to keep a polite looking face, "We've been here a few hours now so yeah, a little", he turns to Riley, "But I can stick around to walk you home."

"I think Uncle Josh can probably walk me home, right Josh?"

Josh turns to give Maya a questioning look, who shrugs in response, "It's okay Boing. I can walk myself home. I'd feel much better with you taking Riley."

"Are you sure? We can just walk Riley first and then-"

"I'll walk Maya home", Lucas interrupts him mid-sentence, "We go in the same direction anyways, so it makes sense." He shrugs noncommittally, knowing that Maya can't say no because it would raise suspicions. She shoots him a brief glare and then nods her head in agreement. Lucas smiles to himself, but it falters a bit when he remembers that conversation he still needs to have with Riley. Maybe tonight isn't the best night to do it, what with all the palpable tension already in the room.

"Guess that's settled", Josh says with a slight roll of his eyes. Lucas gets the sense that Josh wanted to walk Maya home so he could... properly say goodnight. Admittedly, it makes him feel pretty smug knowing that he got in the way of that.

"Sooo", Zay begins, trying to break the tension, "Who's gonna walk me home?"

Smackle laughs.

"My dad has a car coming to pick me up a little later", Farkle shrugs, "I can have the driver drop you and Smackle off at your places."

Zay grins, "Sweet, thanks Farkle."

"What are friends for?", he responds.

After that they all sit and talk among themselves for a good hour. 

"Hey guys, my dad said the car should be here in just a few minutes", Farkle announces to Zay and Smackle.

"Okay Huckleberry", Maya smacks her knees lightly and moves to stand up, "guess we should get going."

He nods, "Yeah you're probably right."

They walk over to say goodbye to Katy, who pulls Maya into a hug. 

"Love you baby girl. I won't be home until tomorrow afternoon", Katy informs, "Shawn asked me to stay over, so he's picking me up from here tonight."

"Oh", Maya says as she pulls back from the hug to look at her mom, "Okay. No worries, I'll see you then."

And with that she turns around and walks relatively fast out the door. Lucas turns to smile and wave goodbye to Katy, then jogs after Maya to catch up. 

"Maya hold up a second." 

She stops on the stairs and waits for him, not even looking his way. At least she stopped though, so he can't complain. They walk in silence for the whole trip there. Once they reach Maya's door, she doesn't turn to say goodbye, just goes to unlock the door and tries to slip inside. Of course, Lucas wasn't having that. She can't keep running away from him; so he puts his hand on the edge of the door to keep it from closing and pushes his way inside, closing it behind him.

"What do you want from me?" she demands over her shoulder as she walks angrily down the hall to her room. 

He follows after her. 

"Maya I don't want anything from you. I just want to see if you're okay. You seemed pretty upset back there after your mom said she wasn't coming home tonight."  

Finally, she turns to face him; her expression unreadable. For a minute she just stares at him before she sighs, removes her shoes and climbs into her bed, pulling her knees to her chest. She then rests her forehead onto her knees, her breath shaky. 

Lucas hesitates a moment and then removes his shoes so he can climb on the bed to sit beside her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts? I'm open to any suggestions :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas just wants Maya to talk to him and let him be there for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry this took so long. I swear I've had this chapter written for like 5 days now, but my wifi was down so I couldn't post. I'll try to have the next chapter up before the weekend's up.

Lucas sits cross-legged next to Maya, making sure their legs are touching, because he's selfish and he wants to be as near to her as possible. Maya is still sitting with her chin resting on her knees.

"Hey", he says gently, tucking his pointer finger under her chin in attempt to get her to look up, "Maya look at me."

She looks up at him, eyes watering. "I just... don't really like it when she doesn't come home at night", she confesses.

It only takes Lucas a second to put the pieces together, "Because of your dad?"

She nods her head slowly, staring at the edge of her bed now. "That's how it started", she chokes out. "The leaving. He would make up excuses to not come home some nights and then it became every night... and then-", she sniffles, her voice breaking, "then one night he just didn't come home." She's crying now, so Lucas wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her into him; holding her while she sobs.

"I'm sorry", she cries into his chest and bunches his shirt up in her hand.

"What for?", he asks, his mouth resting on the top of her hair; it smells like strawberries.

"For dumping my problems on you", she breathes shakily, "For crying like a baby."

He huffs out a small laugh.  _'Of course she'd apologize for crying.'_

"Maya, you never have to apologize to me. Especially for something like this", he coos, "I would much rather you cry and tell me your feelings than keep them bottled up."

She sniffles into his chest, "Thank you Lucas." 

He hugs her a little tighter, "Anytime Maya... Umm do you-", he hesitates.

She tilts her head up a bit to look at him, "Do I what?"

"Do you want me to stay here with you tonight? You know, since your mom won't be here." He quickly adds, "I can sleep on the floor or something. I just... don't think you should be alone right now."

She lifts her head off his chest and pulls back to look at him, still leaning into his arms. He expects her to flat out deny his offer and push him away, but instead she looks into his eyes and nods her head. 

"I'd actually really like that", she tells him quietly. He swears she glances down at his lips, and it takes all of his willpower to lean in. 

Lucas brushes a stray hair out of her face and runs his fingers through her hair. "Okay", he says gently, "Where do you want me to sleep?"

She breaks eye contact and looks down at the floor, mumbling something that sounds like "with me". But that can't be right, so he crooks his finger under her chin and wills her to look up at him.

"What was that?", he searches her eyes.

"Could you-", she pauses a moment, "Would you... sleep in here.. beside me." It was so quiet, he barely heard her.

Before he can answer she blurts out, "If that's too weird it's okay, I just.. Riley usually lays down with me and it's always helped me sleep to have someone near me. It's never been weird for she and I to do that. But I totally get it if you don-"

He places his finger on her lips to stop her, which was a bad idea because he feels all tingly at the contact, and it's distracting to say the least, "It's not weird, I get it. But I kind of don't want to sleep with my jeans on, so that part might be a little weird", he points out. 

She laughs and shakes her head, "Nah it's okay, I usually don't wear pants to bed either", Lucas gulps and then she adds, "but I'll wear sleep shorts tonight. And I actually think my mom might have a pair of Shawn's sweatpants in her room, let me check." He doesn't know whether he should feel relieved or disappointed; but he feels a little of both. 

She moves to stand up, and Lucas stays put while she fetches sweatpants for him. 

He stands there awkwardly a moment, not entirely sure what to do. Maya comes back into the room and tosses the pants at him, he catches them of course. She raises her eyebrow at him and gives him a look, "Okay cowboy, I'm going to need you to turn around while I change." 

"Oh", he blushes and turns around.

She comes up behind him and whispers in his ear, her breath sending a chill down his spine, "Now might be a good time for you to change too Huckleberry." 

"Mhmm", he nods his head, hesitant to speak because he's not sure if actual words will come out. He takes off his jeans and folds them onto the chair and strips off his hoodie so that he's just in his white undershirt and pulls on Shawn's sweatpants, which are a little short, but they'll do. He climbs into bed once he's finished.  _'Maya's bed'_  , he reminds himself. 

A minute later, he feels the bed dip as Maya climbs under the covers, so he turns from the wall to face her; their faces only a couple inches apart.

Maya is the first to break the silence, "Thanks for staying with me Huckleberry."

"You're welcome", he brushes her hair behind her ear, "thank _you_ for letting me be here as a friend."

She smiles and closes her eyes, "Goodnight Lucas."

"Night Maya."

He stays awake long enough to watch her fall asleep, then closes his own eyes and lets her soft breathing lull him to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thoughts! I'm always open to suggestions :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maya wakes up to a strong, warm arm wrapped around her abdomen; shocked for a moment, she’s about to scream when she remembers that Lucas stayed over last night.

 

Maya wakes up to a strong, warm arm wrapped around her waist; shocked for a moment, she's about to scream when she remembers that Lucas stayed over last night.She sighs in relief and peers over at her alarm clock.

 _'5:30. Yeah no, I'm going back to sleep',_  Maya thinks to herself.

And if she decides to nestle a little closer into Lucas' warmth, well nobody else has to know. His grip on her tightens and he nuzzles his nose into her hair; she feels his warm breath on the back of her neck and it sends tingles down her spine. Too tired to properly think things through, she doesn't move away before she falls back to sleep.

* * *

 

When Maya wakes up a couple of hours later, she feels Lucas' eyes on her. She stretches and turns over to face him.

"Morning sunshine", he says smiling.

"Morning Huckleberry. How'd you sleep?"

He looks down at where his finger is now tracing patterns on her lower arm, "I think I slept pretty great, actually. What about you? Were you able to sleep well?", he looks into her eyes, a little concerned. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't still upset over her mom not coming home last night, but having a friend here did help.

Her lips curl up into a faint smile. "I think I slept better than I have in a while", she whispers, staring back into his eyes; his gaze is intense and it's enough to make Maya blush. She tries to bury her face in her pillow to hide it, but Lucas chuckles and crooks his finger under her chin to bring her back to face him.

"Ms. Hart, are you blushing?", he asks her teasingly.

Her eyes widen and she feels her face heat up, "No!", she laughs and shoves him back, the movement causes her to start falling off the bed. Lucas reacts quickly and wraps his arm around her waist to catch her just before she rolls off. He pulls her back to him until they're lying chest to chest, her legs tangled with his, breathing one another's air. Maya can't form a coherent thought when Lucas traces his fingers up her arm then her neck until finally they reach her face; she can't help but lean into his touch.

As he starts to lean in, it takes all of her willpower to turn her face away. "We can't Lucas."

He doesn't move away, just lies there and looks at her with this fond expression that she doesn't quite understand. Maya knows she should move to get out of bed and put some distance between them, but she let's herself be selfish enough to enjoy his presence for just another moment. They lay like that for a minute until Maya's door suddenly opens. They both jump; Maya tumbles down onto the floor and looks up to see her mom standing wide-eyed in the doorway.

"Mom! What are you doing here?"

Katy stands there taking in the scene in front of her. She opens her mouth, but doesn't have enough time to say anything before Shawn yells from down the hall, his footsteps getting closer.

"What was that soun-", he stops as soon as he gets to the doorway and sees Lucas in Maya's bed.

 _'Shit.'_  Maya's eyes go wide.

Shawn looks back and forth between the two then directs all his attention to Lucas on the bed as he begins stalking towards him. Maya immediately jumps up onto the bed, effectively placing herself between the two; what she doesn't mean to do is practically sit in Lucas' lap. His reflex is to grab onto her hips to hold her steady and Maya's insides turn to jelly. 

 _'This is not the time Maya',_  she chastises herself.

Their position only serves to further piss Shawn off. Maya scoots off Lucas' lap and kneels on the bed in front of Shawn, holding her hands out. "It's not what it looks like Shawn, I swear." Shawn is still fuming, trying to get around her, so she adds, "He's dating Riley, you know I would never do that to her."

That makes his face soften, but only a little. He's still staring daggers at Lucas, "Then what exactly are you doing in Maya's bed?"

Lucas opens his mouth to answer, but Maya beats him to it. "I didn't want to be alone last night.. When you told me you weren't coming home", she looks up at her mother still standing in the doorway, "I was really upset. I know that's silly of me, but I was. Lucas stayed to keep me company. Usually Riley stays over with me when I feel like that, so I asked Lucas to take her place since she wouldn't even be awake so late. I'm sorry, I just really needed someone with me last night. He really was just being a good friend. I know it seems inappropriate, but it's not like guys and girls can't be just friends guys. You know I like girls too, so if it bothers you that Lucas stayed here, then me and Riley's friendship should drive you up the wall." Maya chuckles, hoping she's made her point. "It really didn't mean anything other than Lucas being a good friend to me when I was hurting. He could have left me here crying and alone, would you have preferred that?"

Shawn and her mom are both looking at her and she can feel Lucas' eyes boring into the back of her head. 

"Oh baby girl, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone like that." Katy makes her way over to sit beside Maya on the bed and wraps her arm around her shoulder. "I didn't even think about how much that must have reminded you of your father. That's what it was, right?". Maya nods her head. Her mom hugs her tightly and she buries her face in her shoulder. When they pull apart Katy turns to Lucas and places her hand on his, "Thank you for being such a good friend to our girl Lucas."

"Yeah thanks kid, sorry I almost throttled you", Shawn adds, with a hint of reluctance. Maya gets the idea that he's still not too pleased with the idea of Lucas in her bed.

"It's okay, I completely understand why you were upset. And anytime. Maya is very important to me". She peers over her shoulder to look at him and he's already looking at her as he adds, "and she knows how much you two care for her. I hope you know that." Maya smiles warmly at him. Katy nods her head and gives Maya one last squeeze before standing up next to Shawn. 

"I trust you guys to do right by Riley. Sorry for barging in like that, I should have knocked first."

Shawn stands there looking down, but Katy elbows him in the rib cage. He rubs his side and relents, "Yeah we trust you, just try and give us a little heads up next time."

Maya nods her head and Lucas says from behind her on the bed, "Yes sir."

With that, they go out the door, leaving Maya and Lucas alone again. She scoots back on the bed so she's sitting next to him up against the wall.

"Soo", she starts, "that was intense.. and a bit awkward."

He laughs, "Little bit. But they seemed to understand once you explained."

Maya nods, then laughs to herself.

"What?", Lucas asks her, grinning down at her.

"I think Shawn still wanted to throw you down the fire escape."

Lucas laughs nervously, "So..", Maya looks over to him as he asks, "do you want to go get breakfast?"

"Sure! Should I text Riley and the others?"

"Nah, I'm not sure they'll be up. And if they are, they'll probably be at Topanga's anyways", Lucas shrugs.

Maya starts scooting off the bed. "Good point. I'm going to go brush my teeth and get dressed, then we can head over to your place so you can change", she pauses a second before her feet touch the ground and turns back to face Lucas, "Unless you want to go home now and just meet me there."

He shakes his head, "That's okay, I'll wait for you."

"Cool", trying to fake nonchalance and probably failing. She hops off the bed the rest of the way and walks over to her dresser and pulls out clothes to change into as she heads to her bathroom. When she returns to her room, Lucas is sitting on her floor holding Ginger. She leans against the doorway and clears her throat to get his attention; he looks up.

"I thought you were terrified of Ginger", she teases.

"I was momentarily shocked that she had originally crawled through the hole in your floor", he defended. Looking back down at the ferret in his hands he says, "But she's actually really sweet. Plus, if she had any diseases you'd have probably been hospitalized by now."

Maya grins widely at him and laughs, "Are you ready to head out Huckleberry?"

"Yeah," He smiles and sets Ginger down. They leave her room and head for the front door.

On their walk down to the subway they talk about school and finals. The train arrives just as they descend the stairs into the station. It's really crowded so Lucas wraps his hand around Maya's waist to keep her steady while he holds onto the germ-infested pole with his other hand. Maya's relieved when they reach their stop; she's grateful that she didn't have to touch the gross pole for balance, but she's also not sure how much more she could take of Lucas' hand being on her. It was difficult to fight back the blush trying to creep up her neck. It's only a five minute walk to Lucas' apartment. The smell of bacon wafts into their faces the moment Lucas opens the front door. 

"Mmm smells good Mama", Lucas calls out as they make their way to the kitchen.

Mrs. Friar turns to face them both with a sweet smile, "Good morning you two. Maya, it's so nice to see you. You look lovely."

Maya beams at her compliment, "Thank you. It's so good to see you too."

Mrs. Friar smiles and turns to Lucas, "I was hoping you'd make your way over here soon. I made breakfast, and there's plenty here." She gestures to the bacon, eggs, and biscuits and gravy sitting on the stove-top. 

"That's so thoughtful of you, thanks Mama." He leans over and brings his mouth to Maya's ear to whisper, "Are you okay with this? I know we were supposed to g-"

Maya cuts him off with her finger on his lips and says softly, "Huckleberry, on what planet would I turn down your mom's cooking?"

He smiles and wraps his hand around hers', slowly running her finger down his lips as he returns it to her side; his hand grazes her thigh in the process and Maya feels like her nerve endings have just been set ablaze.

"I'm going to go use the restroom", she announces quickly, turning to head out of the kitchen and down the hall to the bathroom. Once inside she takes a deep breath and slides her back down the door, then pulls her knees to her chest and rests her head between them.

 _'I can't keep feeling these things for him. **God** , why do I let him get to me so much?',_ she's internally screaming at herself; willing the butterflies that his touch brought on to go away. She can't stay in the bathroom forever so she gets up and opens the door, "Jesus!", she gasps. Lucas is standing right outside the door. "What the hell are you doing Lucas?"

He visibly flinches when she says his name. "Uhh.. Sorry, breakfast is ready. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Maya nods and makes her way back down the hall, "I'm fine. Just had to use the restroom, that's all."

She doesn't give him the chance to ask her to elaborate before she speed walks into the kitchen and sits with Mrs. Friar, who sparks up conversation immediately. 

   

* * *

 

Later that night, Maya is sitting in her room drawing, already changed into her pajamas. Mrs. Friar's food was delicious as always, and after a couple hours of chatting about school and their trip down to Texas this summer, Maya decided it was time to call it a day. There's only so much time she can spend around Lucas before she loses her mind. Of course, he insisted on walking her home, but she made a point to say that he should probably text Riley to hang out today, since they're going to be separated for a month during the summer. He looked reluctant at first, but he mulled it over and agreed; she'd never admit to how much that hurt. She had no right to be hurt or jealous of the time Lucas spent with Riley, his girlfriend and her _best_  friend. 

Someone taps on the bedroom window and Maya jumps, breaking out of her daze. She looks over at her alarm clock,  _'10 o'clock is a little late for someone to be coming over.'_  A small part of her is hoping it's Lucas while the other is hoping against the thought. She looks out her window to see it's Riley, not Lucas, and she looks sad. Maya rushes to open her window and help her best friend inside. 

"Honey what's wrong? Are you okay?" Maya questions worriedly as she guides her friend to sit on the bed.

Riley looks up with sad, unsure eyes, "Lucas broke up with me."

Maya's breath catches in her throat.  _' **What**?' _ she thinks, trying to recollect any memories of the past 24 hours with him that could indicate this decision. He  _had_  been more affectionate with her this morning, especially at his apartment.  _'But why didn't he say anything?'_

"Wha- why?", Maya stutters.

"He said that he doesn't have his feelings figured out like he had thought before", she pauses and looks over at Maya with an indecipherable expression. "He said he's not sure he had properly thought through his decision at the ski lodge. That he needs quiet and space to figure things out. He thinks being in Texas this summer will help him do that."

"Oh Riles, I'm so sorry." Maya wraps her arms around Riley and pulls her tight against her. 

"Thanks Peaches", her voice is muffled in Maya's hair, "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Of course. You don't even have to ask, you know that."

Riley smiles and gets up to go change into her pajamas. Maya has a pair of Riley's pajamas from home that she always wears when she comes over for sleepovers, and a toothbrush just for her in the bathroom as well. After Riley finishes brushing her teeth and prepping for bed, she climbs under the blankets. Maya reaches up to turn off her lamp and lays her head back down on the pillow. She wraps her arms around Riley and holds her there, placing a kiss on her best friend's forehead.

"Night Honey."

"Night Peaches."

* * *

 

The next day Maya decides she should probably go speak to Josh, so she goes to his dorm room, hoping he's there. He answers wearing only boxer briefs even though it's almost noon. It's pretty distracting to say the least; her feelings may be for Lucas, but that doesn't change the fact that Josh is exceedingly attractive.

"Maya hey. Why didn't you text or call? Not that I'm not happy to see you it's just-", he looks down at his lack of clothing, "I would have put something more decent on."

Maya grins, "You look pretty decent to me."

He grabs her hand to pull her inside and closes the door behind her. She lets him push her up against the door as he kisses her, forgetting why she came by in the first place. 

"Mmm. Josh", she pulls back, "this isn't why I came by. I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh", he says, letting her go. He grabs her hand and leads her to his beige love-seat. "If the look on your face is anything to go by, I'm going to guess this isn't a good talk."

"Josh I-", she pauses to think of how to word it, "I really like you, I do. You know that."

"But?", he says, clearly sensing the direction this conversation is heading.

She takes a deep breath, grabs his right hand with both of hers, "But we both know this can't last. You're going to turn eighteen in a little over a month. This thing we have going isn't fair to either of us. You deserve to be with someone who you can _really_ be with right now, and that person isn't me."

"You're right. I don't like to admit it because I really like you Maya, but you're right." He pauses. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, anything."

"Is that all there is to it?"

Maya tilts her head in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"I told you back at the lodge that I'm a very observant person. You and Lucas."

She flinches, "What- why would you-"

He puts his hand up to stop her, "I got a call from Cory today about Lucas and Riley's breakup last night. I don't think it's a coincidence that you came by to do this on today of all days. And I saw you two at game night and in the art room, then later that night at Topanga's. There's something there that I didn't see before. I kept trying to deny it because of our talk at the lodge. You seemed so sure that your feelings were for me and not him, but that wasn't entirely true was it?"

Maya takes a deep breath through her nose, "No, it wasn't. I'm sorry." 

She looks down, feeling a bit ashamed, but Josh crooks his finger under her chin to bring her eyes back to his. "Hey, it's okay. I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have assumed that I had it all figured out when I was hardly even around you and him."

Maya shakes her head, "No, it's okay. You were right to think that. Lucas and me... I'd never want to hurt Riley, so it's best for me to keep my feelings to myself. It's not that I think I suddenly have a chance or anything, I'm sure they'll work it out and get back together soon. I just didn't want to string you along when I don't have it all figured out, it's not fair to you. You deserve better than that.. better than me. 

I'm a mess and I have a lot of feelings to work through. I like you Josh, I mean that. And maybe someday... but right now, I think we should focus on other things and people. If we're meant to be together, then things will work out that way. I don't want you waiting around for me, you should get to experience college in all of its glory, and I need to just be a highschooler."

He stares into her eyes like he's trying to figure her out, "You, Maya Hart, are wise beyond your years. I agree with everything you just said and it was a very grown-up thing for you to do." He moves his free hand to hold onto hers and lifts her hands to kiss her knuckles, "Maybe someday?"

She smirks at him and leans over to give him one last kiss. "Maybe someday", she agrees. "Thank you Josh."

He nods his head.

* * *

 

_*A month and a half later*_

It's a half-day and the last day of school. Maya, Zay, and Lucas are leaving shortly after school's over for the airport. All of their bags are already at the Friars' apartment, so they're leaving straight from there. 

Maya walks into Mr. Matthews' class and sits in her seat behind Riley. Her best friend has been dealing with the breakup well, really well actually. Maya has yet to get an explanation out of Lucas for all of this, but Riley doesn't seem to mind; she's been hanging out with Farkle a lot lately, whose girlfriend has, in turn, been hanging out with Zay. Neither of them seem bothered by this, which makes Maya wonder. She's been thinking that if the couples were swapped, it would actually make a lot of sense. Farkle and Riley have always had a strong connection, like a magnetic pull. Maya always knew he loved Riley more than her, now he just has to figure it out for himself. And Zay makes Smackle laugh and smile like she's never seen before; they definitely bring out the best in each other and he really gets her; not that Farkle doesn't get her, but it's different with Zay. Maya isn't like Riley though, she doesn't meddle, so she's chosen to leave it and let her friends figure it out for themselves.

Riley turns around to face Maya when she sits down, "Are you excited Peaches?"

Maya smiles, "I am actually. I miss Pappy Jo and I'm excited to get to paint the stars." One of her favorite things about Texas was the way you could see all the beautiful stars in the night sky; you don't get that here in New York because of all the lights.

"Are you going to paint me a picture?", Riley asks with a huge grin on her face; how could Maya ever say no to that?

"You know I will Riles."

"Yyyyaaayyyyy", she bounces up and down in her seat. 

Lucas and Farkle walk in the class, followed by Smackle and Zay. Maya looks up at Lucas as he's walking in and he beams at her. She feels her face heat up and turns away. Everyone goes to their seats as the bell rings. Mr. Matthews starts his introduction, at which point Maya tunes out. 

Things have changed between Maya and Lucas; at least she feels they have. There are a lot more casual touches between the two of them and they hang out one-on-one at Topanga's often. But they haven't kissed since that time in her room when he was dating Riley. Maya has found herself sketching Lucas more than once over the past month. Needless to say, her feelings for him haven't gone away, if anything they've grown. But she's still not sure where his heart is at and his breakup with Riley still feels to fresh for her to talk to him about it. 

After the final bell of the day rings, Lucas and Zay meet up with Maya at her locker. 

"You ready to go Shortstack?", Lucas asks from behind her, unable to keep the laughter out of his voice. He thinks he's so funny with that stupid nickname. Maya makes a point to turn around slowly and give him the most intimidating glare that she can conjure up, but the smile playing at her lips betrays her. Lucas smirks at her and wraps his hand around her waist to guide her down the hall as she closes her locker door. His touch never fails to make her feel light-headed. 

When they reach Lucas' apartment, it's already time to start loading their stuff into the cab Mrs. Friar called for them. Zay grabs his bags and heads down. Lucas, of course, won't let Maya carry her big suitcase down the stairs.

"Practicing your Southern hospitality Ranger Rick?" Maya teases.

He grins at her and leans in real close, causing Maya's breath to catch in her throat. She swears he's about to kiss her and she doesn't pull away, but he stops with his mouth a centimeter from her own and gives a devilish smile. 

"Why yes ma'am, I am", he whispers, his breath fanning over her lips, warming up her insides. He pulls back from her face to tilt his imaginary cowboy hat, a knowing smirk on his face. Maya stares daggers into the back of his head as he makes his way out the door with her bag.  _'Damn him. That's not fair.'_ She grabs her small carry-on and follows him down.

Airport security sucks, but they make it through fine and walk back to their gate. They sit down, waiting for the boarding process to start and Maya suddenly feels anxious. She starts bouncing her knees up and down nervously, rubbing her palms over them to try and calm herself. A warm hand lays over hers and she looks up at Lucas.

"You okay?", he asks softly, his head tilted in concern. Zay is sitting on the other side of Lucas, busy on his phone.

"Mhmm", she mumbles unconvincingly.

"Maya, have you ever flown before?"

She shakes her head. "When would I have ever had the chance to fly in a plane? When we went to Texas before, Pappy Jo had insisted we take that ridiculously long train ride", she reminds him.

He turns her hand over in his to interlace their fingers and places it in his lap, caressing the back with his thumb. "Well I have flown, many times. I'll be next to you the whole time and you'll be just fine. I promise."

Looking directly into his eyes, she gives his hand an appreciative squeeze, "Thanks Huckleberry."

The flight attendant starts calling out groups to board; Maya and Lucas are confused when Zay stands up to board with first class.

"Zay, what are you doing?", Lucas calls after him, "Our tickets are economy."

Zay turns to face them while he walks backwards toward the gate. "No,  _your_  tickets are economy. I begged Pappy Jo to get me first class. Told him I didn't want sit back with you two bein' all lovey dovey and he took pity on me." He gives them a mock look of disgust and shudders as he turns around to board the plane.

Lucas and Maya sit there, their hands still intertwined, not knowing what to say to each other. She breathes a sigh of relief when their group number is called to board. When they reach their seats, Lucas asks Maya if she wants the window or aisle seat.

"Can I try the window first, and if I don't like it, we can switch?" Part of her wants to see the view, the other is slightly petrified at the thought.

"Yeah of course."

She sits down while he places their carry-on bags in the overhead compartment. Lucas sits and sees Maya struggling with her seat-belt, so he reaches over to help her buckle it properly. "Thanks", she says quietly, leaning her head back against the headrest. The nervous, jittery feeling from before is back. Lucas must take notice because he lifts the armrest from between them and takes Maya's hand in his own, interlocking their fingers. They hold hands pretty much the whole flight, except for when one of them has to use the restroom, or the flight attendant brings the cart around. Eventually Maya gets sleepy so she curls her feet up on the seat and lays her head on Lucas' shoulder. She feels him kiss the crown of her hair and smiles to herself as she falls asleep. 

When she wakes up, the flight attendant is announcing their preparation for landing. Maya smiles brightly and looks out her window.

"We're here", she says excitedly, watching in awe as the plane begins it's descent. "It's so beautiful!", she squeals in delight.

"Yeah", Lucas agrees, staring at Maya, not even glancing out the window, "absolutely beautiful."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up, Texas! :) Let me know your thoughts! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always much appreciated <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucaya + Campfire. That's all I have to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is way, WAY overdue. Holy goodness gracious. I really got off track there for a while. Sorry it took so long to update for anyone who actually reads my terrible writing haha.

Lucas, Maya, and Zay make their way down to the baggage claim. Pappy Jo is waiting for them at their carousel and Maya grins real big as she makes her way over. When she reaches him, he engulfs her in a big bear hug, "It's good to see you young lady." 

"It's good to see you too Pappy Jo." She squeezes him tightly. When they pull apart he reaches for Lucas and Zay, pulling them both into a side hug. 

"I sure hope you've been keeping these two troublemakers under control."

She laughs, "Riley and I do the best we can." Lucas smiles at her.

Just then the carousel starts up and suitcases start coming down the chute. After they grab their bags they walk out to Pappy Jo's truck in short-term parking to load up and strap down their suitcases in the bed. Zay calls shotgun right away; Maya and Lucas just shrug. Pappy Jo lets the two climb behind the driver's seat into the back and then pushes the seat back into place. It's pretty cramped in the truck, but Maya's not complaining about being sidled up next to Lucas.

When they arrive at the farm, the guys insist on unloading all the luggage and bringing it in. Maya doesn't object, but insists on carrying her smaller bag. Pappy Jo shows her to her room; it's clean and rustic with wood flooring, a king sized bed and a gorgeous hand-crafted dresser. "I love it", she tells Pappy Jo with a wide grin.

"Well I'm glad you like it", he says as he rolls her suitcase into the room. He smiles and pats her on the shoulder then walks out. "Alright kiddos", he announces in his booming voice as he steps into the hall. Lucas and Zay step out of their rooms at attention; Lucas' room is just across the hall from hers, she notes. "How about I go set us up a fire and we have hot dogs and s'mores for dinner tonight?"

The three teens look at each other for confirmation and all nod their heads in agreement. Lucas speaks up first, "That sounds like a great plan Pappy Jo. We'll grab everything out of the kitchen and meet you out there." 

"Sound like a plan", Pappy Jo says, smiling at the three. He turns to make his way down the hall and outside. 

Zay, Lucas, and Maya go to the kitchen to grab supplies for s'mores and hot dogs, then head outside to the newly lit campfire. Maya closes her eyes and tilts her chin up to breathe it in, savoring that amazing campfire smell. She feels Lucas' gaze on her and opens her eyes to glance over at him. He's staring at her with this soft, unreadable expression. "What is it Huckleberry?"

"Nothing. It's just-", he pauses and smiles, "-you look especially beautiful in the firelight." 

"Oh", she blushes and looks down at the ground, "thanks Huckleberry." 

"Oh huckle-booboo", Zay says in a mock-flirtatious tone. They both startle at his sudden appearance. "Yeah sorry to interrupt whatever this-" he waves a hand between the two of them, "-is. But I'm starving and Pappy Jo says ladies first so." He makes an exaggerated gesture toward the campfire with both arms.

They make their way over to the fire and Maya sits down on a log. Lucas offered to make her hot dog with his; he knows how she likes it from the last time they were here, so she didn't turn down his offer. She watches him as he stands by the fire with Zay; they're talking pretty low so she doesn't hear what they're saying, but they're both smiling so she assumes it's just friendly conversation. Lucas may have told her that she looked beautiful in the firelight, but he doesn't know how beautiful his green eyes are in this lighting. 

They eat their dinner while Pappy Jo tells them a story about Lucas' first time riding a horse, which has them all just about rolling in laughter. After they finish eating they whip up their s'mores. The four of them sit outside as the three high schoolers talk about school and being excited about moving into their sophomore year. Lucas talks about how much less weird he feels being one of the only ones that will be turning seventeen in their class than he did being the only fourteen year old in the eighth grade. "Something about being in high school makes people look at age differently, and it's nice. I felt real self-conscious back in middle school." Maya will be turning sixteen in January during their sophomore year, so she understands a little where he's coming from. 

After they talk for a good hour, Pappy Jo tells everyone that he's heading to bed. "I'm going to head in too!" Zay announces. Lucas and Maya look at each other a moment and Zay is quick to say, "But you two should stay out here and chat a while, don't want you to feel like you have to call it an early night because of me." He then gives Lucas a not so subtle wink, which he ignores in favor of turning to Maya and asking if she wants to stay out for a little longer.

"Yeah, I'd really like that." She then turns to say goodnight to Zay and Pappy Jo, but they're already gone. 

Lucas scoots closer to Maya so that their knees are touching. "You look so beautiful in the firelight."

Maya looks down and laughs, "You said that earlier Huckleberry."

He slips his fingertips under her chin and lifts her face up to his."Because I mean it. You're so beautiful Maya." He tilts his head and leans in, stopping just short of her mouth, "Is this okay?" She nods her head and closes her eyes. He kisses her softly a moment then rests his forehead on hers, tangling his fingers in her curls to hold her close. "You have no idea how badly I've wanted to do that."

Maya nuzzles his nose and whispers, "I think I do." 

He beams and kisses her again. She feels his tongue playing at the seam of her lips and opens her mouth to him. His right hand is playing with her curls while his other hand is on her leg, thumb rubbing her knee to the rhythm of their kisses. The feeling of kissing Lucas is like nothing she's ever felt before. His lips are soft and warm and inviting; she could stay in this moment forever.

Lucas is the first to pull away a minute later; Maya chases his mouth and he lays his finger on her lips. She opens her eyes to pout at him. He laughs and pulls his finger away, "You're adorable", he places a quick peck on her lips, "But I think we really need to talk about whatever this-", he motions between the two of them, "-is."

She knows he's right, but groans anyways and leans forward to bury her face in the crook of his shoulder. "Do we have to?", she asks, her words muffled. 

He kisses the top her hair and huffs out a laugh, "Yeah, I think we do."

"Okay", she says, her face still buried in his shoulder.

Lucas cups her face between both his hands and lifts her head off his shoulder to look at her. "I think it's safe to say that I like you Maya, a lot."

Even though she sort of already knew that, based on what just happened, his words still surprised her. It's like she wouldn't allow herself to believe it to be true until she heard him say so himself. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes a moment, then opens them and stares directly into his gorgeous greens, "I like you too Lucas."

He smiles widely at her. "I know things between us have been complicated ever since the triangle, but I want to work through that and put it behind us."

She nods her head, a faint smile playing at her lips, "I'd like that. But Riley-"

"We broke up. I know she's your best friend Maya, and you know that I care about Riley very much. I would  _never_  want to do anything to hurt her, which is why I think we should wait until we can sit down and talk to Riley before we make anything official."

Maya's smile falters a bit, but she knows that's the right thing to do, so she nods in agreement. "You're right", then she gets an idea and smiles mischievously, "I guess this means hands off until then", she says nonchalantly. She stands up and turns to walk away, but Lucas instantly reaches for her arm. 

"Whoa whoa wait a second, I never said that." He pulls her back to him and she winds up in his lap. "I just said we shouldn't make anything official, but I don't want to go back to pretending we don't have something. At least not when it's just the two of us." He glances down at her lips and reaches a hand up to brush the hair out of her face. 

"Mmm, okay. So you want me to be your little secret?", Maya teases, placing her finger on his lips. He grabs her hand as she's pulling it away to bring it back to his mouth so he can kiss her knuckles. 

"I just want you. Period. Whatever way you choose."

Maya wraps her arm around his shoulder and cups the back of his head in her hand, pulling his face closer to hers. He looks down at her mouth and licks his lips, so she takes that as an invitation and closes the distance, capturing his mouth with hers in a chaste kiss. She pulls back enough to rest her forehead on his and nuzzle his nose. "I just want this, right here. This is perfect for now."

"Agreed", he smiles. "Do you want to stargaze for a bit before we head inside?"

Maya responds with a quick peck on his nose. "That sounds amazing." She hops off his lap and offers him a hand up, which he accepts even though they both know she can't really lift him. He holds her hand and guides her out to the field and they lay side by side, their fingers intertwined. 

"I love how bright the stars are here", Maya whispers as though she would disturb the sky if she spoke any louder.

"Yeah it's one of the things I miss most about Texas."

"Have you ever thought about moving back here?"

He takes a deep breath, "When I first moved to New York I wanted nothing more than to come back here. But then I got to know you, Riley, and Farkle; and from there our circle of friends only grew larger and closer together. I think the only way I could move back here now would be if I could bring you all back with me." 

"Aww you wuv us Huckleberry", Maya teases, she turns her head to look at him and her face turns serious. "Lucas, can I ask you something?"

He turns to her, "Of course."

"I've always been so mean to you, why did you all of a sudden decide you like me? I mean, you said so yourself at the lodge that you don't like that part of our friendship.. me teasing you. I always sort of thought of that as our thing, but you don't like that side of me. So why do you like me now?"

He turns sideways and props himself up on his elbow, his brow furrowed slightly. "Wait, when did I say that? I love our little game."

Maya looks away from him and back up at the sky. "Back at the ski lodge I said that my teasing you is what you like about me, and you said it wasn't. The way you said it sounded like I annoyed you. I think that's when I knew that it was Riley that you liked, not me. You thought I had become Riley, so I figured you only _thought_ you liked me because of that. I'm just a bit confused as to why you like me now."

"Maya", he reaches his free hand over to cup her cheek and turn her face towards him, "look at me." She turns and looks up into his eyes, her own filling with tears. "Hey hey", he says softly, "I like every part of you; I always have. And I never bought into that whole 'you becoming Riley' thing. I know you better than that. But you seemed so sure of yourself and that your feelings were for Josh.. I didn't feel like it was my place to correct you."

She pushes his hand away from her face and looks up at the sky again. "I wish you would have. I don't think you understand how much it hurt that not one of my friends thought I was capable of growing too. Farkle did it, and nobody accused him of trying to be someone else. But me? You all turned my getting good grades, dressing differently and finally having some semblance of hope into a bad thing." She sits up and pulls her knees into her chest, tears start streaming down her face. Lucas sits up with her and is about to say something but Maya cuts him off. "Don't. It's fine, I'm fine."

"You're not fine Maya, and I'm not fine with you going on thinking that I only liked you because of Riley. That's so far from true." He scoots closer to her and places his hand on her knee. "I like you Maya. _All_  of you. Remember when you and Riley came to the bay window completely covered in paint?"

Maya lets out a watery laugh at the memory, "Yeah I do."

He shakes his head, "I spent hours sitting in that window deciding.  _Hours_. I was so sure of my decision, but then you came in and dumped the whole 'I'm Riley, so you choose Riley' thing on me. You want to know who I chose?"

"I already know. You chose Riley. Sorry about that by the way. I should have let you tell us since it wasn't me anyways. Would have saved everyone a lot of trouble."

"Maya, I chose you."

"Wha-", she's shocked and finds herself speechless. 

Lucas reaches for her hands. "My choice was you. It was always you and I'm sorry for letting the whole 'you becoming Riley' thing cloud my judgement. I should have known you were only protecting Riley. You're always protecting Riley. It was my place to protect you and I failed. I'm sorry Maya."

"You don't have to be sorry Huckleberry."

"Yes I do." Then he chuckles to himself.

Maya tilts her head, confused. "What's so funny?"

"You know, I think those are the exact words you said to me after the first time I almost kissed you. The first time you told me you liked me. I had no clue how to react to that because I never thought I'd have a chance with you."

"I always thought you just didn't know how to let me down gently."

He shakes his head, "Nope. I've liked you from the first moment I saw you Maya, but you always made it clear that you didn't like me that way and pushed Riley towards me. Literally. You literally pushed her to me on the Subway, twice."

Maya laughs, "Yeah, well I wanted her to be happy and she had it real bad for you."

"I like Riley and I care about her a lot. She's a great friend. But in all honesty, once I found out I had a shot with you she never stood a chance. I can't help who I like."

Maya just looks at him, then can't help but steal a glimpse of his lips. He clearly takes that as an invitation and leans into her. Maya lies back as he moves closer, his body now hovering above hers. His mouth is centimeters away from hers, but being ever so the gentleman, he asks for permission before closing the distance and capturing her mouth. His tongue slips between her lips and she welcomes it, letting out a small moan. 

After making out for several minutes they decide to call it a night and make their way inside. Lucas places one last chaste kiss on her lips outside her bedroom door. "Goodnight beautiful", he whispers.

She smiles and whispers, "Night Huckleberry." 

For the first time in a long time, Maya falls asleep with no worries. There's no point in stressing over talking to Riley until it comes closer to the end of their trip, so she allows herself this moment of contentment.


End file.
